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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

<<娇>> 之四

常愿桥
童生

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 19
Location: 大陆
常愿桥Collection

Posted: 2007-08-27 14:22:18 Post subject: <<娇>> 之四

娇为躲避你婀娜的火焰我藏于幽深的古堡年复一年,身披黑色祭袍手捧一部发黄的宝典一言不发地深受煎熬那宝典是我坚忍的心脏历炼深埋的烈火是对女王的爱,比诅咒强烈我不让这团火焰再窜出牢笼它会向你奔跑并把你美丽的睫毛灼烧 _________________ 我的诗歌,除了抒情,并无使命!

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-27 14:29:27 Post subject:

情爱的烈焰 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-08-27 18:36:43 Post subject:

何受其苦女王有罪 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-28 07:05:06 Post subject:

有趣

常愿桥
童生

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 19
Location: 大陆
常愿桥Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 09:04:46 Post subject:

莫非白水先生是女性，嘲笑本人．我可是嬴弱男子！惭愧之至！ _________________ 我的诗歌,除了抒情,并无使命!

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 10:27:57 Post subject:

我不让这团火焰再窜出牢笼它会向你奔跑并把你美丽的睫毛灼烧喜欢这几句～

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 14:01:12 Post subject:

问候常愿桥诗人！你表达的情感很好，感觉很炽热。但你诗的表现形式和语言有些陈旧。我觉得诗是需要新的表现形式和新的语言的。这样感觉才会新！你可以仔细看一下自己的诗，就会发现１０年前这种写意都不新鲜了。个人之见。不要生气。海军祝好 _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

常愿桥
童生

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 19
Location: 大陆
常愿桥Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 16:04:32 Post subject:

xiexie ! _________________ 我的诗歌,除了抒情,并无使命!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 19:07:22 Post subject:

常愿桥 wrote:

莫非白水先生是女性，嘲笑本人．

我可是嬴弱男子！

惭愧之至！

对不起, 我决没有嘲笑之意 Embarassed

相反, 用这种豁达, 轻松略带调侃的语气处理这首诗歌, 反而更令人感动.
问好诗人.

金金
进士出身

Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 21:21:49 Post subject:

还有没：）````````````` _________________ http://blog.sina.com.cn/shirenjinjin

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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