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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

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白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-19 12:42:48 Post subject: 凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞独倚藤罗，痴心醉话，几多苦不堪言？往事常思恋，织布耕田．无奈皇权无道，挥御笔，巨蟒横天．狂飙落，银河浪恶，遏断尘缘．谁怜？五更梦醒，嚅囁女儿情，君在何边？一任瑶池雨，淡洗红颜．昨夜衷肠难诉，胸中苦，偏作清闲．清闲步，悠然度来，笑貌如烟．

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-19 13:30:45 Post subject:

最后还是有几分洒脱 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2007-08-19 16:51:51 Post subject:

上阕吐苦,下阕自寛,"谁怜"二字将上下阕很自然地过渡,由怨苦而自宽. 整首词自然而流畅,好词.

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-08-19 17:11:03 Post subject:

温婉洒脱，JJ好词。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2007-08-19 17:12:19 Post subject:

送给JJ一朵小花[加精]

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-20 03:26:24 Post subject:

谢谢PEACE, 黄老师,莹雪MM. MM, 你这一黄牌警告我还真不好意思

征尘载袖
秀才

Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 527
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection

Posted: 2007-08-20 06:45:04 Post subject:

拈扇弹罗，醉心痴话，度来些许能言。说乞求梭巧，搅海翻田。休慕牛郎色鬼，窥裸浴、娶媳瞒天。娘娘怒，挥钗划溅，鹊系姻缘。堪怜，一双子女，箩担载凝眸，夜夜河边。叹黯霜匀着，千古童颜。虽有浓愁幽恨，皆化作、风挽云闲。云闲远，追欢几番，似雾非烟。 _________________

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2007-08-20 16:12:39 Post subject:

_________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

征尘载袖
秀才

Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 527
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection

Posted: 2007-08-20 18:47:09 Post subject:

众人皆晕，唯尔独醒。但是你的跟我的不一样^_^ _________________

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-20 20:23:38 Post subject:

征尘载袖 wrote:

拈扇弹罗，醉心痴话，度来些许能言。
说乞求梭巧，搅海翻田。
休慕牛郎色鬼，窥裸浴、娶媳瞒天。
娘娘怒，挥钗划溅，鹊系姻缘。

堪怜，一双子女，箩担载凝眸，夜夜河边。
叹黯霜匀着，千古童颜。
虽有浓愁幽恨，皆化作、风挽云闲。
云闲远，追欢几番，似雾非烟。

MM好快手, 谢谢作和 Wink

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-20 20:27:30 Post subject:

鱼, 袖袖. 游行呢给个连接吧, 七昔,对有些人的确是个难得的日子. http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?t=5039&f=54

hepingdao
Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection

Posted: 2007-08-20 20:33:34 Post subject:

全是牛人 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

征尘载袖
秀才

Joined: 18 Aug 2007
Posts: 527
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
征尘载袖Collection

Posted: 2007-08-21 06:04:08 Post subject:

hepingdao wrote:

全是牛人

这个

人可称为牛人，因为她头上有角^_^
_________________

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-08-21 23:33:26 Post subject: Re: 凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

白水 Moonlight wrote:

凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

谁怜？五更梦醒，轻吐女儿情，君在何边？
一任瑶池雨，淡洗红颜．
昨夜衷肠难诉，胸中苦，偏作清闲．
清闲步，悠然度来，笑貌如烟．

好!

轻吐
能否再斟酌
以表達欲吐未吐之
难
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-22 04:53:44 Post subject:

征尘载袖 wrote:

hepingdao wrote:

全是牛人

这个

人可称为牛人，因为她头上有角^_^

现在可好, 人不见了, 牛也没了 Wink

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-22 05:06:05 Post subject: Re: 凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

博弈 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

好!

轻吐
能否再斟酌
以表達欲吐未吐之
难

谢谢博士, 的确好眼力. 这两个字写时就觉得未能表达原意:欲吐. 因受限于词谱, 换了个"轻"字, 以SHOW喃喃自语之态吧. 自觉勉强.
现已改为"轻启", 比如"轻启" 酒瓶盖, 味溢而未倾, 想问可否?

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2007-08-22 07:33:06 Post subject: Re: 凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

白水 Moonlight wrote:

博弈 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

好!

轻吐
能否再斟酌
以表達欲吐未吐之
难

现已改为"轻启", 比如"轻启" 酒瓶盖, 味溢而未倾, 想问可否?

評易改難

嚅囁女儿情
嚅語女儿情
轻启女儿情
轻启有第三者描述字的能量為外出之感
嚅囁則仍內醞
you have to be your own master Wink

I am not sure 囉

ZT
嚅囁: 欲言又止的樣子。宋˙韓駒˙至國門聞蘇文饒將出都戲贈長句兼簡其兄世美詩：偶坐時聞竊嚅囁，于今落落誰汝憐？
_________________
（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-22 17:32:53 Post subject: Re: 凤凰台上忆吹箫＜葡萄架下＞

博弈 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

博弈 wrote:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

好!

轻吐
能否再斟酌
以表達欲吐未吐之
难

现已改为"轻启", 比如"轻启" 酒瓶盖, 味溢而未倾, 想问可否?

評易改難

嚅囁女儿情
嚅語女儿情
轻启女儿情
轻启有第三者描述字的能量為外出之感
嚅囁則仍內醞
you have to be your own master Wink

I am not sure 囉

ZT
嚅囁: 欲言又止的樣子。宋˙韓駒˙至國門聞蘇文饒將出都戲贈長句兼簡其兄世美詩：偶坐時聞竊嚅囁，于今落落誰汝憐？

感觉嚅囁女儿情不错. 改了. 谢谢博士,看来你慧根难净 Very Happy

游向高原的鱼
秀才

Joined: 20 May 2007
Posts: 382

游向高原的鱼Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 04:59:23 Post subject:

来了！！ _________________ 人生乃是一面镜子，在其中认识自己。

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2007-08-29 12:57:34 Post subject:

白水兄之凤凰词,充份展露了词态的婉雅幽怨,词味浓郁,学习了! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

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