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雨 之 祭(请各位文友批评)
秦小红
童生


Joined: 01 Jun 2007
Posts: 1
Location: 吉林
秦小红Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-04 22:52:56    Post subject: 雨 之 祭(请各位文友批评) Reply with quote

雨 之 祭
秦小红

朝阳向晚,落日熔金,春之熔岩再度喷射而出,填平了道路,打扮了沟壑。一切虚弱的,坚实的,迷蒙的,清晰的景致都被烫伤。热风如病者的脚步,来回蹴着檐下的土地,作轰轰的火响
这样窒闷而岑寂的日子,耳畔总会回荡江南雨那如梦如烟如约如幻的弦响。。
也是暮色荡开无边涟漪的时候,窗外鸟巢与夜色融为一体,只有树禅与水蛙还在或婉约或豪放的和鸣。携一管洞箫独立窗前,思古之幽情使然,正想为远古之时,易水之滨,击筑作歌的渐离兄和上一曲,忽听一丝轻微的细响,象游丝拨响夜的琴弦,又象轻风落进湍流的溪涧,如泣如诉,如歌如吟。探出手臂轻轻触摸,哦,江南雨终自梦中响起!
淅淅沥沥,潇潇洒洒,没有雷声隆隆的前奏,无需朔风呜呜的导引,就这样轻轻悄悄的来临,带着心凉,带着宁谧。暗香盈盈,柔情款款,,她是那样文静,似飞花落蕊,似芳草萋萋,似月色溶溶;她又那样温存,如婴儿纤弱的小手,拍打我的小屋,如母亲呢喃的呼唤,伴着袅袅的炊烟。
箫声响起,雨丝立刻如惊魂悠悠斜斜,在灯光中忽明忽灭,如荧如鳞,时而一两滴落在我的脸颊,像顽皮的孩童作亲昵的嬉戏;忽而如多情的处子,在我的发间做短暂的心吻。行板加快,雨滴恍惚如蝶,轻盈如飞,波之舞,浪之舞,霓裳之舞,羽人之舞,乐声柔婉低回,雨帘又悄悄下垂,此情此景,心彳亍在远古与现实,想起乌蓬船,想起远古童话,想起敦皇飞天,想起寒鸦万点……
这温柔可人的江南雨,轻轻触摸斑驳的心壁,忧郁振翅飞远,她又丝丝入鬓,疲削惶惑,滋润希冀。哦,江南雨,伴着宁静的夜色,酣醉的蝉声,亘古的蛙鸣,让我为你而歌,为你而舞……
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蒹葭苍苍,白露为霜,有位伊人,在水一方......
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-05 06:51:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

我认为不错。文笔细腻婉约,内蕴丰富,思想性很强,且有很大的想像空间。看出作者有很深的文字功底。欣赏了!!!祝诗人好!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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樱花听雨
秀才


Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Posts: 356
Location: 中国黑龙江省国电双鸭山发电有限公司化学分场 丁冬梅 邮编 155136
樱花听雨Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-06 15:09:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

写的清新流畅自然,娴熟。问好。
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樱花听雨新浪博客
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黄鑫
童生


Joined: 06 Jun 2007
Posts: 17
Location: 广东
黄鑫Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-06 19:32:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

两个逼见:
1、请把文章排好,读者欣赏比较容易;
2、前文铺陈感觉多了些
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(510275)广州市新港西中山大学东区134栋501室 请到博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/sysuhuangxin指导,谢谢!
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炼话
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Joined: 14 Jul 2007
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炼话Collection
PostPosted: 2007-07-14 03:03:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

Smile
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终日我命
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Joined: 01 Aug 2007
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终日我命Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-01 00:19:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy
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千鸟
童生


Joined: 02 Aug 2007
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千鸟Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-02 06:28:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

Confused
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千鸟
童生


Joined: 02 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-08-02 06:30:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

Embarassed
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雨晴
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Joined: 09 Aug 2007
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雨晴Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-09 19:20:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

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月华
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Joined: 12 Aug 2007
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月华Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-12 02:03:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

Razz
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天空
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PostPosted: 2007-08-12 06:40:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

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雪花
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PostPosted: 2007-08-12 08:37:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

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去声
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Joined: 12 Aug 2007
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去声Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-12 20:28:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

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可行
童生


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可行Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-12 21:43:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

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严谢
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Joined: 13 Aug 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-08-13 05:04:37    Post subject: 问好 Reply with quote

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严谢
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PostPosted: 2007-08-13 05:05:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

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严谢
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PostPosted: 2007-08-13 05:05:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

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水银
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水银Collection
PostPosted: 2007-08-13 21:12:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

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nihao
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nihaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-13 21:36:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

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nihao
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nihaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-08-13 21:43:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

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