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拙作《凤凰台上忆吹箫·七月流霞》敬请指教

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-02 20:36:31 Post subject: 拙作《凤凰台上忆吹箫·七月流霞》敬请指教

凤凰台上忆吹箫·七月流霞七月流霞，一江天火，关河万载如斯！过客匆匆矣，名利攘熙，将相帝王安在？荒草地，夕照残碑。年何短，人生七十，岁月如飞！依依，无常聚散，又半世蹉跎，也等闲之。赋扁舟明月，清酒三杯，如梦幻如泡影，观如是，因果缘兮！红尘渺，烟波深处， _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-02 20:41:54 Post subject:

【注释】年何短：“可惜米颠苏内翰，风标何远年何短。”吴存《蝶恋花·阅周南翁》依依：“昔我往矣，杨柳依依，今我来思，雨雪霏霏。” 如梦幻如泡影：“一切有为法如梦幻泡影如露亦如电应作如是观。” 【韵书】词林正韵【词谱】白香词谱江边观霞有感，填了一首，大家多多指教! 敬请多提建议！ _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-08-02 20:47:54 Post subject:

漂亮

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-02 21:02:53 Post subject:

谢过白水兄雅赏！初来论坛，请多多提点！！ _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

戴玨
秀才

Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-08-02 23:52:06 Post subject:

下片和暗香如沁的詞有點近，可相互交流。 _________________ I labour by singing light 我的blog 我的專欄

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-04 23:01:27 Post subject:

正要多多讨教学习。 _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

duzhi
童生

Joined: 05 Aug 2007
Posts: 65
Location: 中国安徽
duzhiCollection

Posted: 2007-08-05 19:31:30 Post subject:

有风骨，有神韵，欣赏。 _________________ 清狂傲世随天性,仗义疏财任我行。博客:http://blog.sina.com.cn/duzhizhang440

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-07 15:57:19 Post subject:

谢过楼上兄台尚请多多指教！ _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

野航
秀才

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection

Posted: 2007-08-07 16:28:12 Post subject:

提读！ _________________ 回归自然回归心灵回归传统

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-09 16:37:22 Post subject:

谢兄台！！ _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

贺兰山下
童生

Joined: 02 Aug 2007
Posts: 32

贺兰山下Collection

Posted: 2007-08-22 21:39:04 Post subject:

顶起候教！！ _________________ 贺兰山下，牧马放羊。

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