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"HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
  
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赠友
冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-17 21:28:14    Post subject: 赠友 Reply with quote

(1)

《共君沉醉》
清风摇影入兰房,
慢语轻音悠寸肠.
已是三更人不寐,
共君沉醉细思量.

(2)

《离伤》
尘世翩然望曙窗,
山高怎怕路悠长?
多情仍是沧桑客,
总剩伤离一炷香.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-18 05:11:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

多情仍是沧桑客,
总剩伤离一炷香.

感人.......
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-18 06:09:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

悠悠情思,痛叙伤离,感人至深.
第一首的第二句"悠寸肠"地"悠"字可否换"慰"字,请酌.
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野航
秀才


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-18 15:54:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄洋界 wrote:
悠悠情思,痛叙伤离,感人至深.
第一首的第二句"悠寸肠"地"悠"字可否换"慰"字,请酌.


读之难忘

黄洋界说得有道理,悠字不太合,抚,慰,媚,软,涤,绕,均可供选择。
_________________
回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-19 17:20:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄洋界 wrote:
悠悠情思,痛叙伤离,感人至深.
第一首的第二句"悠寸肠"地"悠"字可否换"慰"字,请酌.

野航 wrote:
黄洋界 wrote:
悠悠情思,痛叙伤离,感人至深.
第一首的第二句"悠寸肠"地"悠"字可否换"慰"字,请酌.

读之难忘
黄洋界说得有道理,悠字不太合,抚,慰,媚,软,涤,绕,均可供选择。


二位高见!
原想取"悠"的悠溶平静意,与"心事"相连。现在看来,改"慰""润"会更好。
谢谢!
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-20 07:56:34    Post subject: 赠友 Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
多情仍是沧桑客,
总剩伤离一炷香.
感人.......

白水 Moonlight wrote:
冰清老师, 谢谢你的和诗. 快回来啊, 想你了 Embarassed

老山 wrote:
依韵奉和冰清《赠友—共君沉醉》
清风明月入芸窗,
千里共君敲韵长。
已是夜阑更欲尽,
多情字字泛兰香。


(3)

《奉和》
君想冰容我想裳
情牵万里九回肠
屏门念远都天醉
来日相携话更长
Laughing Laughing
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南北客
童生


Joined: 20 Jun 2007
Posts: 22

南北客Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-20 09:19:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

情深离伤……
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-24 23:32:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

南北客 wrote:
情深离伤……


谢南北友.伤离总是好痛!

(4)
本是梅兰缕缕香,
谦谦不用费评章.
纵然冰炭浑无忌,
清淡几分疗九伤.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-25 04:53:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

临屏草和, 见笑

一波九曲绕柔肠
煮豆燃箕叹国殇
遥借婵娟霜箭冷
凡心了断醉诗乡
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