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昨天的大风,今天的事,许多历历在目
周平庸
童生


Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 10

周平庸Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-08 20:14:04    Post subject: 昨天的大风,今天的事,许多历历在目 Reply with quote

《昨天的大风,今天的事,许多历历在目》

昨天,在路上遇见的三个人
和九棵树
现在只剩下了九棵树
它们各自一声不发地站着
好像有一种枯木想要逢春的感觉

昨天的大风
到此刻已经停止
正走在路上的行者
步履很轻(那会是怎样的一种轻呢)
我在楼上
一直担心,如果风
突然一刻刮起来
他们会被卷走
随同许多意想不到的结果
与纸屑、灰尘一起着陆

此刻,我正坐在五楼
读沈从文先生的小说:《静》
第一句:春天日子是长极了的
第二句:长长的白日,
一个小城中,
老年人不向太阳取暖就是打瞌睡,
少年人无事做时皆在晒楼
或空坪里放风筝。
第三句:天上白白的日头
慢慢的移着,
云影慢慢的移着,
什么人家的风筝脱线了,
各处便皆有人仰了头望到天空。
……
继续读下去,读下去
慢慢的黄昏就来了
慢慢的也又走了
接着便是夜

黑夜降临之前
我望见那九棵树
和另外的三个人
他们低着头
蹲在某个角落里
各自不停地吸着烟
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司马策风
举人


Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-08 20:37:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗句过度散文化。可再斟酌。

问好
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《北美枫》司马策风文集

http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
赵福治Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-11 00:25:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

可凝练.
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-11 13:02:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

孙慧峰曾说过,象平庸这种向度的写作,一般的读者不易获得其核心信息。

我也只能意会,很难言传。

慢节奏的——等待戈多。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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杨海军
进士出身


Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection
PostPosted: 2007-06-11 17:08:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

问候青民兄!!!多来发些诗好吗??祝好!!
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走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮
——拙作《离开村庄》
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751
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