Maple Review :: View topic - 一片憔悴的唇印

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

一片憔悴的唇印

漂之雨
童生

Joined: 01 Dec 2006
Posts: 53

漂之雨Collection

Posted: 2007-06-02 12:50:11 Post subject: 一片憔悴的唇印

一片憔悴的唇印文/漂之雨温柔的昨天像把刀插入我的气管烙血声刺穿胸壁刺破咳嗽的欲望抬头，望一眼五月的梦被剜成寂寞的潮汐倒影中的抽噎被风吹落四溅的呻吟漫过憔悴记忆打开封存的酒与昨天对饮让酒盅上的唇印抹尽残存的潮红让缄默凹陷凹陷出梦的光泽 2007-6-3

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-06-02 15:39:23 Post subject:

憔悴记忆打开封存的酒与昨天对饮让酒盅上的唇印抹尽残存的潮红让缄默凹陷凹陷出梦的光泽本首比阴影好些。语言不要太血腥，以免削弱美感。 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2007-06-02 20:03:56 Post subject:

韩少君 wrote:

憔悴记忆打开
封存的酒与昨天对饮
让酒盅上的唇印抹尽残存的潮红
让缄默凹陷
凹陷出梦的光泽

本首比阴影好些。语言不要太血腥，以免削弱美感。

有同感,但诗人的本意是要借刀子来比喻往事在记忆里深刻和疼感~

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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