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登黄鹤楼
冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-28 01:39:41    Post subject: 登黄鹤楼 Reply with quote
登黄鹤楼

荆楚烟波一脉流,
行歌伴我渡方舟.
骚人已是田横客,
何必他乡说故州?
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暗香如沁
秀才


Joined: 14 Jan 2007
Posts: 885
Location: 北京
暗香如沁Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-28 05:16:04    Post subject: Reply with quote
结句一问提升整体诗意．欣赏。学习．
_________________
http://blog.sina.com.cn/axrq用寂寞谱写最美的舞曲~
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-28 19:37:17    Post subject: Reply with quote
荆楚烟波一脉流

读诗如临境, 好
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-28 20:18:22    Post subject: Reply with quote
欣赏《登黄鹤楼》


昔人已乘黄鹤去
诗人又登黄鹤楼
慨叹楚荆成一脉
田横虽死亦风流
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野航
秀才


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 547
Location: toronto
野航Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-29 15:34:02    Post subject: Reply with quote
慈亲英气话筹谋
此句费解。
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回归自然 回归心灵 回归传统
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-30 00:05:04    Post subject: Reply with quote
暗香如沁 wrote:
结句一问提升整体诗意．欣赏。学习．

得到你的肯定和鼓励，是非常快乐的事。谢谢！
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-30 00:43:20    Post subject: Reply with quote
白水 Moonlight wrote:
荆楚烟波一脉流

读诗如临境, 好


白水过奖了！不过有你赞许，我很高兴。
“荆楚烟波一脉流”是登楼远眺的实景，也是想用它引出“慈亲”扶老携幼、背井离乡、图谋发展的情怀。但“承”句确实没写好呵！
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-30 00:50:41    Post subject: Reply with quote
晓松 wrote:
欣赏《登黄鹤楼》

昔人已乘黄鹤去
诗人又登黄鹤楼
慨叹楚荆成一脉
田横虽死亦风流


晓松好和，特别喜欢结句。“田横虽死亦风流”是何等境界！
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冰清
同进士出身


Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-30 00:55:20    Post subject: Reply with quote
野航 wrote:
慈亲英气话筹谋
此句费解。


野航兄说得好。
我把它改为“行歌伴我渡方舟”.如何？
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