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读一只麻雀死亡的过程
李资富
秀才


Joined: 26 Mar 2007
Posts: 131
Location: 中国.绵阳
李资富Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 19:41:17    Post subject: 读一只麻雀死亡的过程 Reply with quote

读一只麻雀死亡的过程

用点力,将时光拧出几个湾来
弯度最好九十,大点小点也无所谓
再来一些坡坎,允许石头和碎玻璃存在
这样,你就能慢下来
品读。一只具体的麻雀
丢掉童年的书包或车票
去追逐想象之外的玩具

其实,光线是一张揉皱了的白纸
在它的阴影部分,有一只抽象的手伸出来
以蜘蛛的姿态或方式,把这只幼小的麻雀
这只可爱的小精灵,网进一个黑色的盒子
天空倾斜了。蝙蝠蜂拥而出
火焰与恐惧,从翅膀一直燃烧到内心深处
呐喊!哀叫!撞击!撕咬
雷鸣电闪。风雪霜刀
一直到滚烫的红血球,在绝望中
逐渐暗下来,暗下来,暗下来

品读一只麻雀死亡的过程。世界静止不动
有苹果正在老去。而她内部的核
就如一句不愿被修饰的话,脱口而出

2007年5月28日黎明
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 20:27:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

感觉很好

只是:
火焰与恐惧,从翅膀一直燃烧到内心深处
呐喊!哀叫!撞击!撕咬
雷鸣电闪。风雪霜刀
一直到滚烫的红血球,在绝望中

写过了一点点
Very Happy
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
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PostPosted: 2007-05-27 20:51:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

不错,即读即凑,看看如何,交流。

读一只麻雀死亡的过程

用点力,将时光拧出几个湾来
最好九十度
再来一些坎,允许石头和碎玻璃对话
这样,你就能慢下来
品读。一只具体的麻雀和
童年书包或车票之外的玩具



光线是一张揉皱了的纸
在它的阴影部分,有一只手伸出来
以蜘蛛的姿态,把这只瘦小的麻雀
进一个精灵黑色的盒子
天空倾斜了。蝙蝠揭幕而出
火焰与恐惧,从翅膀一直燃烧到山鬼深处

一直到滚烫的红血球,在眼帘中
逐渐冷下来,暗下来,沉下来

品读一只麻雀死亡的过程。世界静止
有苹果正在去;而她不动的核
就如一句不愿被修饰的话,逐渐露出


又,
坎:光学名词。坎德拉的简称 [candela]
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-27 20:54:14    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao wrote:
感觉很好

只是:
火焰与恐惧,从翅膀一直燃烧到内心深处
呐喊!哀叫!撞击!撕咬
雷鸣电闪。风雪霜刀
一直到滚烫的红血球,在绝望中

写过了一点点
Very Happy


哈哈,刚贴完兴起的擅改,看来我的感觉相同。
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-28 03:17:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

是的。感觉很好。只是有些血淋淋。暴力的语言会削弱诗 的美感。
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