试译两首 Catherine Greenwood (请批) (Revised 5/27)

[Lake]

[ZY]

戴兄,没事儿的.
您的热心,我可以体会.
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陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

[ZY]

A little verse on translation—to my toiling compatriots

As I walked hands-tied up and down
Dipping my head into deep water dark and brown
My sense of direction quickly was drown
In a misty night with frozen ground
And a poem that I tried to translate, ever tightly wound,
Got stuck, with my day dried and cut, in the forsaken lost and found.
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陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

[shi di fu]

Hi, some comments:

Milliners' guild bill-- The bill, or in Chinese 卖单 of the milliner's association or labour union； 也就是说，the hatmaker's invoice. 收据might work too. "Guilt" has nothing to do with it, and the secondary meaning of bill, visor, is an homophonic accident, really.

You have correctly divined the sinister texture of the poem.

You guys are doing a great job.

Ｈｅｒｅ＇ｓ　ｍｙ　ｌｉｔｅｒａｌ　ａｎｄ　ａｗｋｗａｒｄ　ｔｒａｎｓｌａｔｉｏｎ　（Ｉ am only an intermediate student of Chinese) and you can learn what you may from it.


戒脖子雉


雷声雷声蹄子
在发叶潮湿林
野生猪厉害地哭
被马扔，他在朱
把脖子折了
花生掉了好像泪水

几年过后，皇帝无知道
他的独自一人感觉
跟莫言东西地下住的
做了一笔买卖
平草，许多的城市开花了
在无人工地里。

现在皇帝看好帽子者
的买单，他喜欢
新娘再穿
二十四雉子的金尾尖，
无食农村桌子，
他们摘鸡肉成死子
去做一大顿饭。




节婚日来了，
一个肃风
跟神父刮
同时仪式发生来
风刮而打扫后悔
比如屑在新郎的嘴脸
新娘把一束化灭了


在她拳头。他大帽子
像一根羿在她的头发贴了
齿轮鬼子又专身振又一次
每个羽毛在她背脊都是
真的好像一支箭在箭筒
他帽子就是脆奖， 羽毛
把空气成羽毛的水
莫人挥手告别
哆嗦着她听了风
磨刃得缎刀。



史帝夫翻译


If you have specific questions in English for Catherine, she may be reached at catherine.greenwood@unb.ca. Catherine does not read or write Chinese.

[白水]

喜欢读你们的讨论

[ZY]

Just revised poem #1, referenced Steve's version.
Thanks again, to everyone.

ZY
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陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久

[ZY]

Revised poem #2 as well, made a few changes and one correction.
Comments welcome.
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陌生人遺落的足印們已經靜坐良久