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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
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Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-20 03:20:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊 wrote:
谢谢海蛎子老师的交流。
...


笑聊老师,”下箸短长齐“可以衬托反腐倡廉和打黑除恶 Laughing
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-20 03:30:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

海蛎子老师,”下箸短长齐“同样适合这个命题。 Laughing
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-20 03:35:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊老师,放到你的帖子里说 Laughing
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-20 03:45:30    Post subject: Reply with quote

海蛎子老师,这里是谈炼句,你又提命题比兴,恰好都可以适用。因此,放到这里谈也属正常。
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-22 00:21:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

钱包不堪瘦,上访妄充肥。
民主凌虚响,维权逸气飞。
举牌尤卖力,造势复宣威。
致富难圆梦,忽悠作契机。

相关链接:http://view.inews.qq.com/a/NEW2015062102047108
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-22 14:39:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

建议海蛎子老师把不同议题的诗区分开来,这样可以一事一议。
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海蛎子
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Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-23 05:35:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊老师,因为某种不便说明的原因,这个建议不能接受 Laughing
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笑聊
探花


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Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-24 00:00:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

海蛎子老师的组诗,包罗各种社会现象,小到退休下岗,大到朱镕基的裸退、温的二任、、、。期间涉及到香港的占中,东海的问题,估计还会写出南海问题以及其他学科的事件。总之,是想把种种社会现象揉和在一个载体中体现出来。可谓作者用心良苦。但作为读者来讲,能否反反复复前前后后多看上几遍呢?如果做不到,那作者的良苦用心就付之东流。既然会产生这种结果,那何不一个事件一个事件分开叙述呢?我是反复看了几遍,感觉事件与事件之间的联系并不是那么紧密,完全可以单独出来。
看了这么多遍,想找一些词语有没有晦涩的地方,结果还真的找不出来。这说明海蛎子老师在遣词造句上的造诣,非一般人可相提并论。不过有一个小小的问题,在第二页中有首诗中写道:“四两对千岿”。俗话讲:四两拨千斤。意思是不在蛮而在巧。“千岿”这个词组,我不太理解,查问了辞书,请教了百度,都不得而知。可能是作者一时疏忽,抑或是另有出处也未可知,暂作存疑吧。
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海蛎子
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Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-24 03:07:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

笑聊老师,谢谢你的直率。你也忒好玩儿了。对我的这个帖子,有一些人可以归纳出一条主线,比如我的哥哥姐姐们,但这不是我不愿意分别贴出的原因。

词语“千岿”是我临时组合的,可以说是险韵押成,也可以说是凑韵,因为这个不重要,我这一句是对前一句的进一步说明。说明什么呢?这要看“岿”的含义。岿,本意小山丛列,还有高大险峻的意思。无论哪种解释,都不是千斤可以比拟的,何况“千岿”呢? Laughing
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笑聊
探花


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Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-26 00:35:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

海蛎子老师,受教了。根据你的组词逻辑,写两句玩玩:

海龟变缸龟,千金成千岿。
文字玩游戏,忽悠百十回。
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-27 01:29:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

夏来连湿热,无雨半阴晴。
老鹊丛中隐,新蛙水下行。
雾凝苔藓翠,风散柳枝轻。
消遣闲书里,茶陪一曲筝。
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-27 02:09:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

唉声接叹气,捣足复捶胸。
枯寂侵灰死,窝囊浸伍浓。
人轻纱帽重,心紧嘴唇松。
山枣花滋盛,辛酸属职蜂。
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-06-28 23:32:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

闲聊初级社,活水汇成川。
协作凝人力,分工比众肩。
年年除旧习,日日写新篇。
所谓盈亏事,已无风险钱。
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-10 04:11:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

疾雨闻风至,涓流顺势来。
沟渠宽水引,湖泊畅鱼徊。
庭院依丛隐,葵花向日开。
时逢邻里笑,灯下子孙陪。

请阅读这个链接:http://club.china.com/data/thread/1011/2779/04/61/2_1.html?bsh_bid=665579848

再看看后面带有评论的链接http://club.china.com/data/thread/1011/2779/08/71/0_1.html?bsh_bid=669970592

南街村老班长的汇报视频http://v.ku6.com/show/-nFhlU0KARXH4NDhILajqw...html?from=my
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海蛎子
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Joined: 01 Oct 2011
Posts: 199
Location: 臭豆腐作坊
海蛎子Collection
PostPosted: 2015-07-17 02:46:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

片帆随舵转,众桨逐浪推。
无畏雨邪落,任凭风恶吹。
安居缘共富,溢利系投资。
岁尾难心事,红花献给谁?
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