Maple Review :: View topic - 词：雨霖铃·别离苦

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词：雨霖铃·别离苦

锷未残
童生

Joined: 07 Sep 2014
Posts: 72

锷未残Collection

Posted: 2014-10-26 14:29:44 Post subject: 词：雨霖铃·别离苦

雨霖铃·别离苦难耐溽暑。烈日炎炎，汗流成瀑。渴盼春风劲吹，更念念、曼歌轻舞。况有青枝绿叶，都作了焦土。能问否，轻柔软语，霎间虎威因何故？世间最是别离苦，更怎堪此去无归路。但求风雨过后，再驱散、浓云迷雾。世世相随，应是比翼龙翔凤翥。怕只怕、海洋痴情，总被薄情误。中国山东

黄洋界
探花

Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2014-10-26 15:23:39 Post subject:

上阙以难耐的炎炎烈日隐喻感情的裂痕，下阙慨叹别离之苦，寄希望再“比翼”双翔。全词感情的脉络是清晰的，但上下两阙之间，似缺乏过度的句子。一孔之见，供参考。 _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

锷未残
童生

Joined: 07 Sep 2014
Posts: 72

锷未残Collection

Posted: 2014-10-29 14:20:44 Post subject:

诚如黄兄所言。深表感谢。“世间最是别离苦”，改为“冷热都是世间苦”，能否好些？

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