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桃花妹妹,你在干啥
William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-10 16:42:33    Post subject: 桃花妹妹,你在干啥 Reply with quote

桃花妹妹,你在干啥

周道模

桃花妹妹,你干啥
我怕进城打工的青春
雾霾中找不到回家的路
就在山坡上举起了火把

妹妹桃花,在干啥
我怕农家新楼院的燕子
安乐窝中忘了飞舞唱歌
就先吹起粉嘟嘟小喇叭

桃花啊妹妹呀,在做啥
春天刚出院脸上没血色
想给她补补身子添件新衣
我踮起脚舀阳光裁云霞••••••

桃花啊妹妹们,你们在干啥
我们怕匆忙的人生疏了大自然
就用狂野的舞裙撩醒大地
在春天的梦上描血色的画••••••


2014-2-26 晨6:52 于连山
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-11 07:33:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

真实的应心应景!
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-11 15:16:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

金金 wrote:
真实的应心应景!


谢谢金金的读评!在四川?
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水弦
秀才


Joined: 26 Mar 2013
Posts: 293
Location: 中国辽宁灯塔
水弦Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-12 14:52:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

声请并茂 形式严整
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诗意生存
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-15 01:33:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

水弦 wrote:
声请并茂 形式严整


谢谢水弦来读评!

形式老套,内容不老套,民间口语,土味。
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钱晓强
秀才


Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Posts: 247
Location: 中国陕西铜川
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PostPosted: 2014-03-18 18:57:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

歌以蹈之。
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-20 03:52:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

钱晓强 wrote:
歌以蹈之。


谢谢读之评之!春天好!
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雅文
童生


Joined: 26 Feb 2014
Posts: 9

雅文Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-20 16:46:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

“我们怕匆忙的人生疏了大自然
就用狂野的舞裙撩醒大地
在春天的梦上描血色的画•••••• ”

好,莫错春光。
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2014-03-22 03:43:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

雅文 wrote:
“我们怕匆忙的人生疏了大自然
...


谢谢雅文的读引感!

今天此诗参加桃花诗会的海选,被评为“梨花诗人”。奖品是:

港澳4天3晚游。感谢诗歌,享受诗歌!
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