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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

在邦咯岛海滩的夜晚

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2013-12-04 09:04:05 Post subject: 在邦咯岛海滩的夜晚

在邦咯岛海滩的夜晚周道模几颗星星，落在沙滩的脚印里或许是我的巴乌吹落的落沙的星星，闪着汉语的口音汉语的身体穿着异乡的夜色汉语的心灵轻摇梦海的鼾声坐的星星，坐进烧夜的想象渔火走的星星，走成生命花瓣的飘零站的星星，站回故乡忧伤的缭绕椰风偷偷而来从沙浪的唇边掏星语马六甲狭窄的海浪把岛影、历史和星空挤瘦几位星星，瘦成邦咯岛的沙粒在时间的喘息中，学飞•••••• 2013-11-8 晨7：06 连山 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2013-12-05 20:12:37 Post subject:

有意境,有感染力,感觉很美的，欣赏，学习，问好. _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2013-12-07 21:47:34 Post subject:

chenrunmin wrote:

有意境,有感染力,感觉很美的，欣赏，学习，问好.

谢谢陈君的热情鼓励！冬阳的问候！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2013-12-11 13:23:55 Post subject:

坐的星星，坐进烧夜的想象渔火走的星星，走成生命花瓣的飘零站的星星，站回故乡忧伤的缭绕 _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2013-12-19 07:43:47 Post subject:

山城子 wrote:

坐的星星，坐进烧夜的想象渔火
...

谢谢山城子老师的到访和读引！冬日阳光的问候！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

安红红
同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection

Posted: 2013-12-21 20:35:20 Post subject:

很美好的诗。从沙浪的唇边掏星语马六甲狭窄的海浪把岛影、历史和星空挤瘦有画面感。还有让人心疼的精致。坐的星星，坐进烧夜的想象渔火走的星星，走成生命花瓣的飘零站的星星，站回故乡忧伤的缭绕排比用的缠绵悱恻。这个晚上与星夜融为一体了。动则群星摇曳，静则群星静寂。 _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2013-12-25 19:44:32 Post subject:

安红红 wrote:

很美好的诗。
...

谢谢安红红专业的解读和热情的鼓励！阳光般的问候！
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

钱晓强
秀才

Joined: 01 Mar 2013
Posts: 247
Location: 中国陕西铜川
钱晓强Collection

Posted: 2013-12-27 15:58:21 Post subject:

有些省略，应该加强细节。 _________________ 钱晓强的脑子http://blog.sina.com.cn/qxq2

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2013-12-28 15:37:33 Post subject:

钱晓强 wrote:

有些省略，应该加强细节。

一般来讲，你的意见很好。但这首有意“空灵”。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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