Maple Review :: View topic - 《阮郎归. 悬崖公园依韵欧阳修》

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

《阮郎归. 悬崖公园依韵欧阳修》

秋叶
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Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-03-31 01:44:51 Post subject: 《阮郎归. 悬崖公园依韵欧阳修》

昨天天气回暖，春阳高照，和风佛许，白水兄率领一行人，踏青悬崖公园，草上一词，以记美景：斜阳最入诗。----斜阳暖入诗。改一下，是否好些？望赐教。《阮郎归. 悬崖公园依韵欧阳修》悬崖湖畔踏青时，春风扶柳丝。水天相接远帆移，波平野鸭飞。沿曲径，过山崎，芦花满布衣。游兴未尽晚风吹，斜阳暖入诗。接，鸭 — 入声

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2013-03-31 04:20:10 Post subject:

跟随白水兄，踏青阮郎归。秋叶兄妙词！

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2013-03-31 05:51:41 Post subject:

柳丝、帆移、鴨飞、芦花、晚风、斜阳 ...... 入诗，一派动人春色，娓娓怡情春詞！ _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-03-31 07:09:12 Post subject:

正是踏春时，风光艳丽之。友朋观美景，心意写成词！秋叶兄好词！白水兄庆宏兄等跟上哦。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2013-04-01 02:42:22 Post subject:

秋香MM好词，喜欢干嘛只写野鸭，不写天鹅

qinghongh
榜眼

Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

qinghonghCollection

Posted: 2013-04-01 05:21:38 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

正是踏春时，风光艳丽之。友朋观美景，心意写成词！
...

那天我因故缺席，没有身临其境。

黄洋界
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Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
黄洋界Collection

Posted: 2013-04-01 06:26:57 Post subject:

悬崖公园踏春，撩动秋叶诗心。好词！ _________________ ++++++++++++++ 喜金石书画，友竹菊梅兰

冷雨
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Joined: 05 Nov 2010
Posts: 439

冷雨Collection

Posted: 2013-04-01 11:40:09 Post subject:

问好秋叶老师！春天快乐！

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-03 05:06:27 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

跟随白水兄，踏青阮郎归。

秋叶兄妙词！

谢谢庆宏兄，就少你了。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-03 05:08:05 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

柳丝、帆移、鴨飞、芦花、晚风、斜阳 ...... 入诗，一派动人春色，娓娓怡情春詞！

谢谢白云兄评说，这些都是实景啊。

秋叶
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Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-03 05:13:55 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

正是踏春时，风光艳丽之。友朋观美景，心意写成词！
...

谢谢笑聊兄赏读，斜阳最入诗---斜阳暖入诗。改一下是否好些？望赐教。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-03 05:15:38 Post subject:

黄洋界 wrote:

悬崖公园踏春，撩动秋叶诗心。好词！

谢谢黄老师赞赏，可惜您没有参加，拜读不了大作啊。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-03 05:16:55 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

秋香MM好词，喜欢
干嘛只写野鸭，不写天鹅 Confused

谢谢白水兄，我只看到野鸭啊 Laughing

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-03 05:18:05 Post subject:

冷雨 wrote:

问好秋叶老师！春天快乐！

谢谢并问候冷雨兄。

冰清
同进士出身

Joined: 29 Mar 2007
Posts: 1921

冰清Collection

Posted: 2013-04-05 01:28:48 Post subject:

悬崖湖畔踏青时，春风扶柳丝。水天相接远帆移，波平野鸭飞。沿曲径，过山崎，芦花满布衣。游兴未尽晚风吹，斜阳暖入诗。一派清新！好。呵，“暖”字好像不够响！拙见，说错了斑斑莫怪！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2013-04-07 19:46:16 Post subject:

秋叶 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

正是踏春时，风光艳丽之。友朋观美景，心意写成词！
...

谢谢笑聊兄赏读，斜阳最入诗---斜阳暖入诗。改一下是否好些？望赐教。

同意冰清老师的观点！我就喜欢“斜阳最入诗”暖字无力。这是我个人感觉。不过，这也是因人而异，各不相同。秋叶兄自己认为哪个好就是了。

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2013-04-08 12:19:53 Post subject:

冰清 wrote:

悬崖湖畔踏青时，春风扶柳丝。水天相接远帆移，波平野鸭飞。
...

谢谢笑聊兄和冰清老师赏读和指导，敝作匆匆草就，尚待改进，容再推敲，保重。

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