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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

南风

刘华明
童生

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 75

刘华明Collection

Posted: 2007-04-16 02:44:44 Post subject: 南风

噢南风别吹走葡萄架下的月光和月光中飞舞的虫吟别吹散词语中的钙质他们已在我体内长出了骨刺过去停泊在一幅竹笋的画里暗藏的刀锋刺痛墙壁的旧疾时间是不知疲倦的术者缝补伤口又肢解灵魂噢南风别拆散一对海鸟的恋情乌云的坠落与闪电有关沙滩的泪道不能完全愈合是海水关闭了落日的门庭噢南风吹过我又吹向别处我怀疑我已改变了他一生的结构

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-16 02:55:09 Post subject:

意象对接不错，只这一句“别吹散词语中的钙质他们已在我体内长出了骨刺”中的骨刺让人不舒服。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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