Maple Review :: View topic - 《冬日小巷》

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《冬日小巷》

沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection

Posted: 2007-04-11 04:52:53 Post subject: 《冬日小巷》

《孤寡老人的最后一夜咳嗽》亲人都已走散只剩下一袭黑夜的薄薄被单你仿佛要把八十多年的风雨咳出去滕出瘦骨勒成的胸腔好装盛来世的阳光城市的不夜灯下善良和凄苦，消瘦成一把易燃的干草被谁惦记又被谁忽略一颗晶莹泊在岁月揉皱的眼角它是否洇醒了一些为一株小草的泛绿而感动的时光咳嗽里叨念着多少名字日子，晃累了你的眼睛你轻轻闭上在一片柔和的白光里漂浮床前的纸灰和叹息，皆成前世你在母亲跟前，失声啼哭《冬日小巷》小巷里一字排开几个修鞋摊像被悄悄遮掩的艰辛和苦难粗糙灰黑的脸，时不时望望巷头,又转向巷尾冬日的太阳只在正午来瞧两眼北风倒是勤，没完没了地逗弄鼻尖上的清鼻涕。而他们原本在阳光充足的大街旁每每经过这条小巷他们看我脚上鞋子的时候比看我的脸多这使我心里多少有些忐忑好像我亏欠他们似的今晚下班我又经过他们跟前一阵冷风刮起一股沙尘我趁势加快了回家的脚步 _________________ 个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180

杨海军
进士出身

Joined: 01 Mar 2007
Posts: 2205
Location: 吉林
杨海军Collection

Posted: 2007-04-11 05:17:58 Post subject:

喜欢！尤其第一首。问好！ _________________ 走了很久了。还清晰地望见/身后那盏明灭的灯火/好像我们走的越久越远/故乡的那盏灯就越亮 ——拙作《离开村庄》 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1269376751

沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection

Posted: 2007-04-14 22:56:52 Post subject:

谢谢杨海军喜欢 _________________ 个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180

无仑
童生

Joined: 30 Jan 2007
Posts: 69
Location: 中国.北京
无仑Collection

Posted: 2007-04-15 20:45:32 Post subject:

很有力．喜欢． _________________ 与文字同生,在诗歌中流浪...... http://blog.sina.com.cn/wulun

梅影三叠
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Joined: 06 Feb 2007
Posts: 203

梅影三叠Collection

Posted: 2007-04-15 21:34:04 Post subject:

关注现实的诗

杨光
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Joined: 01 Jun 2006
Posts: 683

杨光Collection

Posted: 2007-04-15 23:57:43 Post subject:

关注现实,令人伤感的诗歌 _________________ 杨光的语言空间 http://blog.sina.com.cn/languagespace

戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-04-17 04:01:18 Post subject: Re: 《冬日小巷》

沙漠 wrote:

《孤寡老人的最后一夜咳嗽》

...
你仿佛要把八十多年的风雨
咳出去
誊出瘦骨勒成的胸腔
好装盛来世的阳光
...

這句好。“誊出”？是不是“騰出”？
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄

杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2007-04-17 04:41:49 Post subject:

你仿佛要把八十多年的风雨咳出去誊出瘦骨勒成的胸腔好装盛来世的阳光精彩 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

冷水
童生

Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 53

冷水Collection

Posted: 2007-04-18 09:09:28 Post subject:

精确的语言,学习 _________________ 越来越蠢

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2007-04-18 13:48:03 Post subject: 关注

充满同情就是善良的给予诗艺成于真情,情真自出技巧. 沙漠并不荒凉,亦不冷漠 _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

沙漠
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Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection

Posted: 2007-04-19 04:21:41 Post subject: Re: 《冬日小巷》

戴玨 wrote:

沙漠 wrote:

《孤寡老人的最后一夜咳嗽》

...
你仿佛要把八十多年的风雨
咳出去
誊出瘦骨勒成的胸腔
好装盛来世的阳光
...

這句好。“誊出”？是不是“騰出”？

是"滕出".谢谢!
_________________
个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180

沙漠
秀才

Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection

Posted: 2007-04-19 04:22:35 Post subject: Re: 《冬日小巷》

戴玨 wrote:

沙漠 wrote:

《孤寡老人的最后一夜咳嗽》

...
你仿佛要把八十多年的风雨
咳出去
誊出瘦骨勒成的胸腔
好装盛来世的阳光
...

這句好。“誊出”？是不是“騰出”？

是"滕出".谢谢!
_________________
个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180

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