William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
 Posted: 2011-09-07 22:58:48 Post subject: 【英诗汉译】Naming Silence命名寂静 |
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Naming Silence
Paul B. Roth
Before
it was nothing
hummed or sung
silence
must have been
this still lake
across which
blue
dragonflies
and transparent
water striders
barely
ripple
their ever-
widening names
(from POET Lure )
命名寂静
（美）保罗、罗斯
从前
湖里无物
被哼唱或歌唱
寂静
一定存在过
蓝
蜻蜓
和透明的
水黾
掠过
这静谧的湖
很少
起涟漪
他们 不断
扩散的名声
2011-9-7晨 4：31周道模译于林萃书院
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2011-09-16 15:39:50 Post subject: |
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这首小诗还不容易译顺呢。
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2011-09-25 03:58:28 Post subject: |
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谢谢Lake间接的批评，对个别地方进行了修改。
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Lake
举人
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Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2011-09-25 06:16:44 Post subject: |
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有时，小诗还更不好把握。
“silence
must have been
this still lake
across which
blue
dragonflies ”
这两段似乎还可以连起来读，甚至可以和下一段连起来读。
“their ever-
widening names ”
their 指的是什么？
带着疑问，查了一下 water striders, 是不是水生物“水黾”的意思？
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2011-09-28 04:24:26 Post subject: |
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是不是水生物，我可以问诗人。那两段如要连接起来，是否应该有"in"呢？
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非马
秀才
Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection |
| Posted: 2011-09-28 12:52:49 Post subject: |
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首段的"it" 可能是指"lake", 通常也许会用"there"(从前/没有东西/哼或唱); 末段的"their"应是指dragonflies和striders吧?
ever-widening 是不断扩展, 如涟漪水波.water striders确是水黾.试译后面几节如下:
这静止的湖
蓝
蜻蜓
和透明的
水黾
掠过
几乎
不起涟漪
它们不断
扩展的名字
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Lake
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Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2011-09-28 16:55:14 Post subject: |
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非马先生的译文makes very good sense.
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William Zhou周道模
探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection |
| Posted: 2011-10-28 04:38:31 Post subject: |
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| 非马 wrote: |
首段的"it" 可能是指"lake", 通常也许会用"there"(从前/没有东西/哼或唱); 末段的"their"应是指dragonflies和striders吧?
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老师的读解从宏观上看，语序都调整了。学习，谢谢！
受老师的启发，我再调一下。最近很难打开网站。
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