【汉英俳句】蟋 蟀

[William Zhou周道模]

蟋 蟀

周道模 著译


草丛啼月光

跳上路面恋爱忙

狗嘴里命丧


Mourning the Crickets

cried for moonlight in grass

they jumped onto street to make love

but died in the dog's mouth

2010-10-7上午11:00湔江边
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[Lake]

中文俳句逐句译成英文免不了一，臃长；二，失了俳味。
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[戴玨]

原來狗吃蟋蟀的啊？
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I labour by singing light
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[William Zhou周道模]

[William Zhou周道模]

[Lake]

I didn’t mean to be negative, William, but find your C-ku is better than your E-ku.

I tried one based on yours, which might not convey exactly what you intended, or even worse than yours, but hope you get what I meant.

chirps in moonlit grass
jumping to the road they mate -
dog's mouth slobbering


At least, it is within 17 syllables. Just one more way to look at it.

Not the best, but hope it helps a bit.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[William Zhou周道模]

thank you for your good idea! your translation is so short,good one. I've also shortened mine.
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[Lake]

[William Zhou周道模]

OK! go on rewriting it.
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[非马]

如果不是因为要“削诗就俳”，第一及第三句都该加个"里"字才是. 现在读起来好象是“草丛”在啼月光，“狗嘴"完蛋了. 一笑.
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[William Zhou周道模]

[非马]

[William Zhou周道模]

好，挂一首微型诗，请老师指点。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模