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它与
oneline
童生


Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 9

onelineCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-30 21:36:19    Post subject: 它与 Reply with quote



星期五 Friday Night
突然就闲下来了
干什么好
空气静吻着四壁

这支笔会去那里
画了一间大学
旁边有酒吧和短裙
打工女生的尖叫

也奇怪
年少阳关三叠—
他乡命运交响曲—
伸出手掌,五柳树下—

一眨眼
一张白纸
只剩下西北
是空荡的

明天星期六 Sad Today
拎着空白翻页
回忆驻足的笔泣,隐约
它的眼光直透我的背心

便去洗个澡
我认识这水—

她曾自我身上流过
镜子里一个裸体的孩童
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hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-30 21:41:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

她曾自我身上流过
镜子里一个裸体的孩童

一种情绪
总体有些散
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oneline
童生


Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 9

onelineCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-30 21:48:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢大人评语,就是要表达因闲而散,一时涂鸦,可以替我改改么?
今天真无聊。
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-30 23:21:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

哈哈,这里也是friday night...

不算很散,确实是“因闲而散“,闲了,就是东想一点,西想一点。无主。同感。

岛主不可能有时间帮你改吧,哈哈。他可从来不闲着。这同时也是他那样理解这首诗的原因吧。
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