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豪邁的吃法
哈哈星人
童生


Joined: 05 Sep 2010
Posts: 20

哈哈星人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-09-08 04:47:08    Post subject: 豪邁的吃法 Reply with quote

熱氣撲面而來
你從容不迫地
手忙腳亂
撥開凝結迅速的細小水珠
撒下一把青青紫紫的辛香料
剝落了什麼都堆到一旁
幾聲長吁,幾聲短嘆
不斷用舌尖碰觸而後纏捲
舔舐氤氳的香味
銀絲是太薄弱的連結
必須一再的汲取才能稍稍平復
無措的火焰
燙手還是得撐著
大口吃大口嚼大聲喊叫
豪邁的吃法
該我演練了罷
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-09-08 12:49:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

這首有點隔,"字距"太遠(比如"銀絲是太薄弱的連結",手與口等)
我的解讀是主角是火。火對人說。
(字距:在字詞的分析上,她們是有姻親與距離關係的。)

可能誤讀。

那首海邊真的不錯,為什麼不貼呢?
問好。
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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哈哈星人
童生


Joined: 05 Sep 2010
Posts: 20

哈哈星人Collection
PostPosted: 2010-09-08 14:45:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

這首的確差勁,
所以都未在論壇發表。
放上這裡給人批批看的,哈。

可能是沒有真正的感觸吧,
純粹喜歡"豪邁的吃法"這個詞,
噢,火我試圖暗指飢火/慾火,
看來不成功。

海邊那首,
不會太無力嗎?
好吧,
晚點可以放上。

問好喲
=)
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-09-08 18:52:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

Very Happy
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