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雪 - 郑单衣 Snow
kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-01-10 00:34:25    Post subject: 雪 - 郑单衣 Snow Reply with quote

雪 - 郑单衣

郑单衣 在过去的两年里,走过了欧美亚洲近二十个城市举行朗诵会...
他的诗集也成为美国佳乃集大学,加拿大-多轮多大学,和台湾几个大学的教材!
我有幸在新加坡刚举办的首届诗歌节为他作主持,结为好友.
希望大家喜欢他的诗...


<> 郑单衣

该是记忆里说来就来?
那群菜花蝶吧
绕着满园子的腊梅枯枝乱唱
唱个没完
该是大晴天午睡时梦见过的那对
尚不会哭泣的小胖梨吧
拒绝和人分享的冻红的手指头
我的。我们的
彻夜沉醉于自身热血里的
一行行大白话的诗……而且
那蹑手蹑脚的又该是谁呢
在窗外……你?你们?
又回到我这泛着白光的日子里来
是凭着记忆吗?
而且,时间的粉状物正如此肆虐地
聚于这一刻,要照亮某一天的黄昏
当我们
还是那两枝相许的出墙梅
彼此,深深深深地,在嗅着对方

1996 年秋


Snow
<> translated by Luo Hui

It must be the flock of butterflies that took
My memory by surprise
Circling the garden of winter plums
Singing in endless dissonance
It must be those two little pears that entered
My sunny daydream... Not yet able to cry
Not yet ready to share their frostbitten fingers with anyone
Mine. Ours
Poetry written in conversation
Drunk all night in its warm blood... Yet
Who must it be, the sneaky ones
Outside the window... You? And you?Coming back to my shimmering white days
Did you come with memory?
Now the powder of time is relentlessly gathering
Trying to brighten the dusk of a day
When we
Two plum trees reaching across the wall
Are breathing deeply, and deeply smelling one another


.
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hepingdao
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PostPosted: 2007-01-10 18:19:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

文字鲜明, 诗意鲜明
通过问句的巧妙运用, 自问自答, 层层递进
从而使诗意上升, 转浓
结尾以深厚的人情味:
彼此,深深深深地,在嗅着对方

给人以无限的温馨

英文翻译很地道, 遵从纯正英文的用词习惯
贴切而自然, 令人叹服
Very Happy
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Lake
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PostPosted: 2007-01-11 13:10:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao 好评啊。

难得,现在能写出这种情怀的诗歌。觉得很有朱自清散文的味道,几个问句让我想起了《匆匆》中的几句:

但是,聪明的,你告诉我,我们的日子为什么一去不复返呢?——是有人偷了他们罢:那是谁?又藏在何处呢?是他们自己逃走了罢:现在又到了哪里呢?

一种亲密又亲切的感觉。

英译也非常流畅、到位,值得好好学习.

Thanks for the post, Kokho.
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Lake
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PostPosted: 2007-01-12 12:07:17    Post subject: Re: 雪 - 郑单衣 Snow Reply with quote

kokho wrote:


<> 郑单衣

那群菜花蝶吧

Snow
<> translated by Luo Hui

It must be the flock of butterflies that took
.


After second thought, "a flock of butterflies" sounds strange to my ear. Maybe "a swarm of butterflies" or "a flutter of butterflies"?

Again, that's just me...
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shi di fu
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PostPosted: 2007-01-13 11:38:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

"Flock" and "flight" of butterflies are both correct, as is a "cloud" of butterflies. "Swarm" is usually applied to bees and other buzzing and stinging insects. I suspect you want to convey not only their numerousness, but also their evanescence.

Interestingly, the Arabic word for "mind" translates as "swarm" too.

Thanks for the poem.
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-01-14 08:08:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

shi di fu wrote:
"Flock" and "flight" of butterflies are both correct, as is a "cloud" of butterflies. ....

我比較喜歡flight,因為會令人聯想到飛的動作。
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戴玨
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PostPosted: 2007-01-14 08:10:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

另外
When we
Two plum trees reaching across the wall
...
改成
While we
The two plum trees reaching across the wall
...
會不會好點?
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Lake
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PostPosted: 2007-01-14 21:40:37    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢 shi di fu and 戴玨!

描述 ' a group of butterflies' 一定有多种表达. 只是觉得 flock 多用于 animals, birds ... 'swarm' 和蝴蝶用在一起是不太美,有一种喧哗的感觉。

Thanks for the input.
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kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-01-18 11:49:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

Luo Hui is from China, in the final year of Doctorate in Literature in Toronto.

单衣是2005年4位大陆年度诗人之一。

他们两位出了一本双语诗歌集,已经被3加拿大,台湾,美国大学指定为参考书。。。

Cool Laughing
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曹东
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PostPosted: 2007-03-15 19:14:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

拜读.
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博弈
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PostPosted: 2007-03-16 18:57:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

这样的诗是相当成熟的。但同时也联想到一个问题,有这样的程度,是不是太浪费了。没有一点原创性。(对厉害的要挑的更厉害,自也不能以一诗而论,你们叫好我就叫不好的地方)
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kino
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PostPosted: 2007-03-26 02:14:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

昨天买了郑单衣的诗集《夏天的翅膀》,准备近期研读,可惜没有英文。 Smile
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kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-03-29 08:42:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

kino wrote:
昨天买了郑单衣的诗集《夏天的翅膀》,准备近期研读,可惜没有英文。 Smile

There are 2 publishers, the mainland publisher only handle the Chinese edition.

The Hongkong publisher has the billingual version.
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kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-03-29 08:44:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

博弈 wrote:
这样的诗是相当成熟的。但同时也联想到一个问题,有这样的程度,是不是太浪费了。没有一点原创性。(对厉害的要挑的更厉害,自也不能以一诗而论,你们叫好我就叫不好的地方)


很多人 喜欢他的诗,应该是英文本多些 :))

单衣是我的好朋友,就不多讲了 。。。

。。。
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金金
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PostPosted: 2007-04-29 21:34:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

他的诗很不错,比较喜欢。属于耐读型的。
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William Zhou周道模
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PostPosted: 2007-07-05 23:24:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

读了双语诗,听了各位的讨论。有两点想法:1、此诗标“雪”,多写诗人对雪的感受和想
象,很少有雪的具像描写,优点乎缺点乎? 2、挂名诗人的诗,最好不先说诗名,这样可以不受“诗名”的干扰,才能有真知灼见。
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