Maple Review :: View topic - 七律《初秋吟荷》和笑卿（三）

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

七律《初秋吟荷》和笑卿（三）

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-11 22:44:42 Post subject: 七律《初秋吟荷》和笑卿（三）

爽意金风倾艳卉，悠然翠浪泛清塘。凌晨数点敲窗雨，子夜萦回遣寸肠。南浦兰舟划水印，东篱翠管入芳藏。余荷弄态流连顾，重菊凝神自在狂。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-08-11 23:55:48 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

爽意金风倾艳卉，悠然翠浪卧清塘。
凌晨数点幽窗雨，子夜萦回感柔肠。
南浦兰舟别旧痕，东篱翠管迎新藏。
余荷弄影流连顾，重菊凝神自在狂。

柔、痕、迎。需做修改。叠韵咏荷再和：

晓雨敲窗三二点，凌波碎步舞西塘。
玉环醉酒姿容美，飞燕娇柔百媚肠。
最是回眸难忘笑，依然皓腕袖中藏。
晶莹滚动轻声问：辛苦为谁作赋狂？

影沉寒水
举人

Joined: 16 Feb 2010
Posts: 1145
Location: 中国福建
影沉寒水Collection

Posted: 2010-08-12 02:31:56 Post subject:

悠然翠浪浪似乎不一定悠然 _________________ 诗无涯。思在线

白云闲人
探花

Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

白云闲人Collection

Posted: 2010-08-12 06:20:10 Post subject:

余荷新菊美诗妆! _________________ 诗中岁月, 笛里关山.

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-12 17:49:18 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

柔、痕、迎。需做修改。叠韵咏荷再和：
...

谢谢笑卿！

叠韵定义
　　叠韵是汉语音韵学中的一个术语。它是指两个韵腹和韵尾相同的字所组成的词。例如“荒唐”，“螳螂”，“徘徊”等就是叠韵的词。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-12 17:51:01 Post subject:

影沉寒水 wrote:

悠然翠浪

浪似乎不一定悠然

呵呵，那也不一定都汹涌哦！

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-12 17:51:56 Post subject:

白云闲人 wrote:

余荷新菊美诗妆!

谢谢白云关注！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-08-13 00:20:19 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

柔、痕、迎。需做修改。叠韵咏荷再和：
...

谢谢莹雪！

可能语义已有所变化。如：次韵、步韵、依韵等等。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-08-14 17:38:38 Post subject:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，爽意金风倾艳卉，悠然翠浪卧清塘。凌晨数点幽窗雨，子夜萦回感柔肠。南浦兰舟别旧痕，东篱翠管迎新藏。余荷弄影流连顾，重菊凝神自在狂。感觉还是这诗有味。柔，改“泪”；痕，改“迹”；迎，改“入”。爽意金风倾艳卉，悠然翠浪卧清塘。凌晨数点幽窗雨，子夜萦回感泪肠。南浦兰舟别旧迹，东篱翠管入新藏。余荷弄影流连顾，重菊凝神自在狂。末句我写的话：重菊凝神渐自狂。尾联用不着考虑对仗，考虑应有余音。纯属个见两诗比较：爽意金风倾艳卉，悠然翠盖卧清塘。凌晨数点幽窗雨，子夜萦回遣愁肠。愁，此处仄声。南浦兰舟划水印，东篱翠管入芳藏。余荷弄态流连顾，重菊凝神自在狂。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-15 18:14:50 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，
...

谢谢笑卿兄！我又改了。
呵呵，我最近在练着玩。想试试尾联如果对仗的话会怎样呢？所以就出现了尾联对仗 Razz

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-08-16 03:31:43 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，
...

谢谢笑卿兄！我又改了。
...

问好莹雪MM！已经看出你在写着玩了。不管怎么说，你写出的东东就是有韵味。

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-08-16 05:28:26 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

爽意金风倾艳卉，悠然翠浪泛清塘。
凌晨数点敲窗雨，子夜萦回遣寸肠。
南浦兰舟划水印，东篱翠管入芳藏。
余荷弄态流连顾，重菊凝神自在狂。

临屏次韵咏荷再和：（四）

金秋送爽心香吐，俏立姿容雅韵塘。
晨露回环裙摆翠，晓风轻拂泪流肠。
依依碧柳君随伴，缓缓兰舟客巧藏。
三夏难熬今已过，陶公赏菊渐痴狂。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-16 19:08:40 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，
...

谢谢笑卿兄！我又改了。
...

问好莹雪MM！已经看出你在写着玩了。不管怎么说，你写出的东东就是有韵味。

问好笑卿GG！最近偶给自己布置的作业就是温习律诗，谢谢笑卿GG鼓励！

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-16 19:16:31 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，
...

谢谢笑卿兄！我又改了。
...

问好莹雪MM！已经看出你在写着玩了。不管怎么说，你写出的东东就是有韵味。

问好笑卿GG！最近偶给自己布置的作业就是温习律诗，谢谢笑卿GG鼓励！

笑聊
探花

Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
笑聊Collection

Posted: 2010-08-17 04:37:45 Post subject:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，
...

谢谢笑卿兄！我又改了。
...

问好莹雪MM！已经看出你在写着玩了。不管怎么说，你写出的东东就是有韵味。

问好笑卿GG！最近偶给自己布置的作业就是温习律诗，谢谢笑卿GG鼓励！

恰好我也在磨练律诗。你写我唱和。

莹雪
进士出身

Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection

Posted: 2010-08-17 19:27:41 Post subject:

笑聊 wrote:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

莹雪 wrote:

笑聊 wrote:

问好莹雪！看了修改后的诗，
...

谢谢笑卿兄！我又改了。
...

问好莹雪MM！已经看出你在写着玩了。不管怎么说，你写出的东东就是有韵味。

问好笑卿GG！最近偶给自己布置的作业就是温习律诗，谢谢笑卿GG鼓励！

好啊！

恰好我也在磨练律诗。你写我唱和。

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Page 1 of 1 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME