Maple Review :: View topic - 河（之一）

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

河（之一）

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2010-08-01 16:09:37 Post subject: 河（之一）

河（之一）鲜艳的花飘落河面，如同一双盈盈的眼。这儿的河，流淌那么多爱，一直感受远处青山的亲切。风慢慢地吹散那些飘亮，一个鱼儿不肯游进梦幻。往日窃窃私语的青草，无声地飞出一只彩蝶。鸟儿渐渐地叫停水波，却空空地映着白云。岸边满树烂漫的桃花，染红河流蜿蜒的热血。

博弈
榜眼

Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection

Posted: 2010-08-03 11:26:16 Post subject:

文笔优美。这样“六联“分成三节，每一节把时间（潜维度）绑住了，我觉得如果分行运用，改成六小节，时间的隐喻在留白中就显出来了。尤其是现下的尾段，就不会突兀。交流！ _________________ （在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2010-08-04 15:39:13 Post subject:

回博弈谢谢你的建义，向朋友问好。 _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2010-08-04 15:40:05 Post subject:

回博弈谢谢你的建义，向朋友问好。 _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

shaine
童生

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Posts: 40
Location: 中国广东省
shaineCollection

Posted: 2010-08-04 18:43:06 Post subject:

看完了会发现不知是河还是湖，总之是一幅清新明亮的画面。 _________________ ……不，我说的是记忆，记忆一点都不可靠。

安红红
同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection

Posted: 2010-08-04 21:42:18 Post subject:

美丽的河~~和我所能看见的深圳河真是有着云泥之别~~~ _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2010-08-05 16:53:32 Post subject:

回shaine 一个所谓的“80后”女子（根据要求，出于礼貌而写）。你指写诗，还是回帖。向你问好。 _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

chenrunmin
进士出身

Joined: 21 Nov 2009
Posts: 2427
Location: nanjing.jiangsu.china.
chenrunminCollection

Posted: 2010-08-05 16:55:55 Post subject:

回安红红又见你的回帖。十分的感谢。 _________________ 一个来自南京，普通大众中的人。

shaine
童生

Joined: 28 Jul 2010
Posts: 40
Location: 中国广东省
shaineCollection

Posted: 2010-08-09 15:42:26 Post subject:

chenrunmin wrote:

回shaine
...

是论坛的要求。
_________________
……不，我说的是记忆，记忆一点都不可靠。

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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

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