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恋爱
博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-19 05:28:49    Post subject: 恋爱 Reply with quote
恋爱


妳涂黑了的指

甲追着彩虹鱼　

。　水族箱　。

炭火飘在水空

我在这头看着
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（在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美）
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子在川上曰
举人


Joined: 18 Nov 2009
Posts: 1314

子在川上曰Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-19 19:27:40    Post subject: Reply with quote
品读，学习了。向博弈老师问好！
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-19 20:44:48    Post subject: Reply with quote
Quote:
恋爱


妳涂黑了的指

甲追着彩虹鱼　

。　水族箱　。

炭火飘在水空

我在这头看着



前面几个太"数理", 这也是没办法的事.
这首我有意地包含了"心理拓墣", 以恋爱为题,
恋爱是个不错的题, 层层的拓朴.

1. 妳我相对, 包含着水族箱(物理位置), 妳我之前各有各的透明玻璃,或银幕.
2. 水族箱包含着爱情(彩虹; 心理位置)
3. 鱼被豢养在水族箱. (或着中间的水族箱是空的, 妳看我如彩虹鱼, 我看妳如碳火, 妳我各有心象罢了)
4. 黑指甲与彩虹鱼形成一个影像重叠, 如炭火.
5. 炭火在水空里(除了将语言导成异象，另相对於”天空“, 不自由)
6. 我看着, 恋爱的我们在水族箱里(反倒 1,心理反倒物理)

然後, 炭火, 水空, 追, 彩虹, 透明的玻璃, 描写恋爱的滋味.
用意如此, 但表达上不见得到位.

附, 之一图
http://baike.baopet.com/uploads/allimg/080816/0600010.jpg

交流, 问好!
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子华
童生


Joined: 20 Jul 2010
Posts: 23
Location: 北京
子华Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-20 19:52:24    Post subject: Reply with quote
呵呵，看来我第一遍读的时候，还是基本感受到你的意图了。 Very Happy
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-20 21:04:13    Post subject: Reply with quote
看来解释多此一举，那就好啦，
免得有人觉得我不要读者了。 Wink
一两个还是要的。 Laughing
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子华
童生


Joined: 20 Jul 2010
Posts: 23
Location: 北京
子华Collection
PostPosted: 2010-07-20 21:19:17    Post subject: Reply with quote
竟然被你识破，我说你不要读者，是说不要我这样愚笨的读者，呵呵。

解释并非多余，对于我至少是，我开始只理解了一点皮毛。
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