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时殇
胡有琪
秀才


Joined: 14 Mar 2007
Posts: 244

胡有琪Collection
PostPosted: 2010-06-15 23:11:50    Post subject: 时殇 Reply with quote

时殇


一些光阴明目张胆的穿窗而过
我只听到窗外的桃花、梨花兴奋得大叫
每一朵言辞上都开满幸福
青春涨潮

而我的老式手表早已停摆
任光阴从手指悄悄溜走
它对我说着毫无生气的光荣
说着 说着
一枚又一枚牙齿就开始瞌睡
开始点头继而摇头
一退休
眼睛暗淡了下去

面对这一切
我只是象守财奴紧紧的攥住过去褪色的老衣裳
每迈动一步
就向上帝唱一支歌
证明 一些毫无意义的东西也比碑文重要
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2010-06-16 19:43:29    Post subject: Reply with quote

细节就是时间,那么的牵挂,也可以是了无牵挂,

一些毫无意义的东西也比碑文重要
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2010-06-19 01:42:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

每个人都有一生都紧攥着不松手的牵挂吧~~
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2010-06-19 09:36:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

嗯,有想法。

中間一段借齒輪,牙齒來做個投射的轉境,可感人;
但"眼睛暗淡了下去"接的似較不自然。
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