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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《钟声》[外二首]

燕庄生铁
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 116

燕庄生铁Collection

Posted: 2010-02-21 13:38:39 Post subject: 《钟声》[外二首]

《钟声》钟声里，大鸟飞去一棵枯萎的树冠抓向红亮而辽阔的天空坐下来就知道，明天很坏明天的街道上到处是乘坐钟声提前降落的恶棍制造一次失事只需停下来但敲钟人回首，看见玄机许多脸，在今天还很善良《没有解药》我可以哭湿历史却不能把玉环丰腴的尸体从梨花树上救活马桂坡的风寒让史太公患上了哮喘是旧病复发慈禧墓被盗多年之后赴西洋就医的马车又空着回来《小别》风从南面来，路过阳坡握住迎春花的枝条，摇了摇便走了池塘边，闭眼就能关住丽人的影子昨日的水面，一个微笑在漂走多少路才能离开饮多少异乡的月光才能再回来草径上，蜻蜓一动不动复眼的世界，到处是风的回旋

韩少君
进士出身

Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection

Posted: 2010-02-21 19:17:51 Post subject:

《钟声》钟声里，大鸟飞去一棵枯萎的树冠抓向红亮而辽阔的天空坐下来就知道，明天很坏明天的街道上到处是乘坐钟声提前降落的恶棍制造一次失事只需停下来但敲钟人回首，看见玄机许多脸，在今天还很善良好诗！非常欣赏！ _________________ 靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2010-02-22 08:22:42 Post subject:

精致的诗句~学习，问候！

安红红
同进士出身

Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection

Posted: 2010-02-25 00:31:57 Post subject:

俺喜欢《小别》~~把“喝”字换成“饮”似乎语感更舒服些~浅见~ _________________ 如果不开始，会失去过程。 QQ：3972083 微信：qisebaihuayuan

燕庄生铁
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 116

燕庄生铁Collection

Posted: 2010-03-27 21:07:12 Post subject:

韩少君 wrote:

《钟声》
...

谢谢韩少君先生评阅。

燕庄生铁
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 116

燕庄生铁Collection

Posted: 2010-03-27 21:08:14 Post subject:

半溪明月 wrote:

精致的诗句~学习，问候！

明月多批。

燕庄生铁
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 116

燕庄生铁Collection

Posted: 2010-03-27 21:09:38 Post subject:

安红红 wrote:

俺喜欢《小别》~~把“喝”字换成“饮”似乎语感更舒服些~浅见~

谢谢安红给出建议。问好

按此修改下。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2010-03-28 10:29:27 Post subject:

好文笔，哲思，诗意。希望常读到你的诗歌请教：马桂坡的风寒让史太公患上了哮喘？不好意思，这句不太懂

山城子
榜眼

Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection

Posted: 2010-03-28 19:33:13 Post subject:

《没有解药》我可以哭湿历史却不能把玉环丰腴的尸体从梨花树上救活马桂坡的风寒让史太公患上了哮喘是旧病复发慈禧墓被盗多年之后赴西洋就医的马车又空着回来 ——好象应写作“马鬼坡”吧？ _________________ 诗是人生的雅伴儿。

子青
童生

Joined: 02 Feb 2010
Posts: 32

子青Collection

Posted: 2010-03-30 01:42:41 Post subject:

欣赏第一首：）

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