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发诗一首《孩子和树》，请诗友有空多指教
刘海
童生


Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 37
Location: 安徽六安
刘海Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-12 04:06:40    Post subject: 发诗一首《孩子和树》，请诗友有空多指教 Reply with quote
《孩子和树》

一个孩子
站在一棵树前

这么大的一棵树
这么小的孩子

那个孩子
在和那棵树交谈

那个孩子问那棵树
钉子钉在你身上疼不疼

那棵疼痛的树下
站着那么小的孩子
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-12 08:49:42    Post subject: Reply with quote
那棵疼痛的树下
站着那么小的孩子

好！立意明了，深入浅出，促人反思。
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刘海
童生


Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 37
Location: 安徽六安
刘海Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-14 22:27:16    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢！
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根瑶
秀才


Joined: 25 Sep 2009
Posts: 106

根瑶Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-15 00:28:01    Post subject: Reply with quote
视角新颖、语言顺畅！问好！
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刘海
童生


Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 37
Location: 安徽六安
刘海Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-15 06:30:08    Post subject: Reply with quote
谢谢。
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刘海
童生


Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 37
Location: 安徽六安
刘海Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-22 22:12:46    Post subject: Reply with quote
請詩友們順路過來，提出批評意見。
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