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最悲惨的角斗士
小凯
童生


Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Posts: 30

小凯Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-14 17:49:55    Post subject: 最悲惨的角斗士 Reply with quote

最悲惨的角斗士

山豆凡/小凯



你和我
披着轻薄的尊贵
坐在角斗场相对的看台
你摇着镂空的丝扇
我叼着镀金的烟斗
你和我
装作看客

你夹了本圣经
长裙下藏着一根属于我的皮鞭
我颈挂十字架
裤袋里揣块含了你体香的手绢
我俩
诡秘着彼此的问候
眼神的曲线
拉直了昏热

你红唇的张合
扬起角斗场的尘土
你的笑在问我
要死的
是他还是它

我难禁的欲
溅着他或它的灵血
你的眼睛在说
他和它
就象你和我

厮杀中
你紧握着圣经祈求
杀了它
你善良得如此凶残

我摸着十字架祷告
撕烂他
我兽性得如此迫切

是你长裙下的皮鞭
抽碎了圣经的每一页
是我胸前的十字架
刺穿让他不可一世的盾甲

那只皮鞭
绞缠着十字架
圣经的碎片
重又接合起来
变成带你体香的手帕
撩过你拭有脂粉的乳房
穿过血雾
攥在角斗士的手中
浸透每一注他被征服的喷薄
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从前包裹了我的明天,我辗转于现在,忽略了改变。
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-16 01:16:24    Post subject: Reply with quote

这样叙事加抒情的可以多些修饰增加些现场感和视觉感~~个人意见~~
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小凯
童生


Joined: 12 Feb 2010
Posts: 30

小凯Collection
PostPosted: 2010-03-16 08:34:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

安红红 wrote:
这样叙事加抒情的可以多些修饰增加些现场感和视觉感~~个人意见~~


嗯,有道理。
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