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春望:闻滇西大旱,真想倾洞庭湖水以均湿红
君山楚女
秀才


Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Posts: 333
Location: 湖南雁城[居住南京]
君山楚女Collection
PostPosted: 2010-02-24 20:53:41    Post subject: 春望:闻滇西大旱,真想倾洞庭湖水以均湿红 Reply with quote

七律 春望
文/湖南 许刚勇

雨水频来梦泽东,滇西依旧不闻风。
田园龟裂伤心里,机井枯干泪眼中。
百姓重迁安故土,八方共救建奇功。
此情煸得诗潮急,倾倒洞庭均湿红。

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学习的敌人是自己的满足,要认真学习一点东西,必须从不自满开始。——毛泽东
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黄洋界
探花


Joined: 23 Mar 2007
Posts: 3301
Location: 多伦多,加拿大
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PostPosted: 2010-02-24 21:44:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

"倾倒洞庭湿均湿红',春望滇西,诗情豪迈.
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喜金石书画,友竹菊梅兰
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白云闲人
探花


Joined: 26 Aug 2007
Posts: 3466

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PostPosted: 2010-02-25 09:09:22    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗潮急,慈悲心!
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诗中岁月,
笛里关山.
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qinghongh
榜眼


Joined: 14 Oct 2007
Posts: 4110

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PostPosted: 2010-02-25 11:26:32    Post subject: Reply with quote

想象丰富,慈悲情怀。
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Posts: 5987
Location: 中国山东
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PostPosted: 2010-02-25 22:03:38    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好!

孤平是诗家之大忌;我们曾在一部全唐诗里寻觅,犯孤平的诗句,结果只找到了两个例子:
醉多适不愁。(高适淇上送韦司仓。)
百岁老公不种田。(李颀野老曝背。)
即使我们有所遗漏,但是,犯孤平的句子少到几乎找不着的程度,已经足以证明它是诗人们极力避忌的一种形式。(参看注三。)高适和李颀也许是一时疏忽,也许是故意用古诗所容许的平仄。(高适是盛唐初期的人,当时诗律未细,也是一因。)总之,在唐宋千万首诗当中,这寥寥的两个例外适足以证明近体诗的孤平确为诗家的大忌而已。

http://www.sgwritings.com/bbs/viewthread.php?tid=29519&extra=&page=1

建议许兄改一下首句。“雨水【乍】来梦泽东”——仄仄仄平仄仄平
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李盈枝
状元


Joined: 28 Nov 2009
Posts: 5987
Location: 中国山东
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PostPosted: 2010-02-25 22:20:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

君山楚女

水调歌头•岁末

岁末翻新页,一切又从头。
年年伊始,眼底河汉遂时流。
老子无为而作,逝者扬波飞吻,相戏露华稠。
爆竹引梅笑,春在俏然游。

逢盛世,添虎气,学黄牛。
向来俯首,荷犁疾进趁风遒。
故国雄姿英发,华夏群星辉灿,天道论功酬。
织锦如涛涌,起舞上层楼。

满江红•货摊前拾趣

赶快来看,莫错过,清仓甩卖。快来呀,货真价实,雅高气派。对你心思就出手,留他钞票不生崽。这年头,享受要超前,添豪迈。
都有啥?你瞧呗。先看货,多担待。三五元一件,大开眼界。家里随时用得着,老婆不爽那才怪。别犹豫,既是主家人,须慷慨。

七律•温一壶月光下酒海

温馨荡漾沁心脾,一曲新词弄燕泥。
壶煮三江杨柳醉,月溶九寨色空迷。
光标随鼠惊天网,下士乘风夺帅旗。
酒里文章深似海,海涵犹在玉关西。

温一壶月光下酒,是一个网友的马甲,好生奇怪,故作七律相嬉戏。

七律•春望

雨水乍来梦泽东,滇西依旧不闻风。
田园龟裂伤心里,机井枯干泪眼中。
百姓重迁安故土,八方共救建奇功。
此情煸得诗潮急,倾倒洞庭均湿红。

君山楚女,徐刚勇,湖南雁城人,现居住南京。由一普通煤矿工人晋升为某国有特大型煤电企业高级管理人员。大学期间专攻现代经济管理,受业于美国著名华裔教授肖竟如先生,学成后回原企业从事经济管理直到退休。除自身专业外,尤爱好诗歌。先后获得各种奖项十余次。退休后仍然乐此不疲。
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君山楚女
秀才


Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Posts: 333
Location: 湖南雁城[居住南京]
君山楚女Collection
PostPosted: 2010-02-25 23:19:12    Post subject: Reply with quote

李盈枝 wrote:
问好!
...

谢谢李先生赐教,改乍为频,与下句依旧联得更紧了。
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学习的敌人是自己的满足,要认真学习一点东西,必须从不自满开始。——毛泽东
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笑聊
探花


Joined: 05 Jan 2010
Posts: 3448
Location: 中国江苏无锡
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PostPosted: 2010-02-26 06:22:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

情系灾区,博爱激情!
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