佟俊儿
童生
Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 34
佟俊儿Collection |
 Posted: 2010-02-18 23:57:51 Post subject: a tree stands on your way |
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a tree stands on your way
why are branches stiring in cold wind
leaves are around the moon
who against sunshine
please put my heart into the sea
you will see it beats so fast with waves
i have no words
world is swallowing me
how can i save myself
a tree is standing on your way
试着用英文写了首诗，但是我知道一定是错误百出，我想表达的意思是：
一棵树站在你路上
一棵树站在你的路上
为什么枝条在寒风中，颤抖
树叶，怀抱着月亮
谁背叛了阳光
请把我的心，放入大海
你会看到，它随着波浪跳动得那么快
我无话可说
世界正在将我吞没
我要怎样才可以拯救自己
一棵树正站在你的路上
i have no chance to speak english for a long time.i almost forget how to type them.i hope you can help me correct them so that i can pick them up again,thanks a lot. |
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戴玨
秀才
Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808
戴玨Collection |
| Posted: 2010-02-20 10:28:13 Post subject: |
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A tree stands in your way
Why are the branches trembling in the cold wind?
The leaves embrace the moon
betray the sunshine
you shall see it bob on the waves
I am speechless
the world is devouring me
_________________
I labour by singing light
我的blog
我的專欄 |
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佟俊儿
童生
Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 34
佟俊儿Collection |
| Posted: 2010-02-21 05:37:49 Post subject: |
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| 戴玨 wrote: |
A tree stands in your way
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thanks very much,you should be my best teacher.maybe i come here only for you.hehe,i would like to marry you if i were a man.thanks again,dear friend.best mood and best luck. |
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2010-02-21 21:01:41 Post subject: |
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I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨. 
Are you planning to rework on your poem based on 戴玨's suggestions?
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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佟俊儿
童生
Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 34
佟俊儿Collection |
| Posted: 2010-02-22 05:33:59 Post subject: |
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| Lake wrote: |
I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨.
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i want to hear your sugestions too.
i didnot pay attention for the girl's tank.hehe.who can come from there . |
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佟俊儿
童生
Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 34
佟俊儿Collection |
| Posted: 2010-02-22 05:40:48 Post subject: [b]i have dreamed of a lake[/b] |
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i have dreamed of a lake
golden waves melt me
a bird singing with wings
slid into life's colour
i told to the soft wind
sunshine is the golden flower
love hands in hands
world can come together a happy river
green leaves hide the ocean's pulse
blue eyes transmit hot plot
if a white lotus lost her way easily
you will find the lake is warmer and warmer
我曾梦到过一片湖泊
作者：佟俊儿
我曾梦到过一片湖泊
金色的波涛，融化了我
一只鸟用翅膀，歌唱
滑进生命的颜色
我告诉温柔的风
阳光是金色的花朵
手挽手相爱
世界就会凝聚成，一条幸福的河
绿叶，隐藏着海洋的脉搏
蓝眼睛传递，火热的情节
如果一朵白荷，轻易地迷路
你会发现，这个越来越暖的湖泊
write this poem when i saw "lake",hehe,who can help me correct my chinese english ?
thanks |
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2010-02-23 13:42:55 Post subject: |
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| 佟俊儿 wrote: |
| Lake wrote: |
I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨.
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i want to hear your sugestions too.
... |
you owe two comments to others' poems for each poem you post.  then I'll do my share. deal?
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2010-02-23 13:44:48 Post subject: |
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| 佟俊儿 wrote: |
i have dreamed of a lake
golden waves melt me
a bird singing with wings
slid into life's colour
i told to the soft wind
sunshine is the golden flower
love hands in hands
world can come together a happy river
green leaves hide the ocean's pulse
blue eyes transmit hot plot
if a white lotus lost her way easily
you will find the lake is warmer and warmer
我曾梦到过一片湖泊
作者：佟俊儿
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reminds me - "I have a dream today..."
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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佟俊儿
童生
Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 34
佟俊儿Collection |
| Posted: 2010-02-23 21:47:08 Post subject: |
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| Lake wrote: |
| 佟俊儿 wrote: |
| Lake wrote: |
I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨.
... |
i want to hear your sugestions too.
... |
you owe two comments to others' poems for each poem you post. then I'll do my share. deal? |
i donot know how to do,i have to read others' poems and give some advice?555,save me! |
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Lake
举人
Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
| Posted: 2010-02-26 08:55:23 Post subject: |
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I'm just kidding. But think about it, it is the mutual communication that keeps a forum active.
I think 戴玨 gave you some good suggestions, especially in the appropriate usage of the English language. Keep working on it.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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佟俊儿
童生
Joined: 18 Feb 2010
Posts: 34
佟俊儿Collection |
| Posted: 2010-02-26 17:12:57 Post subject: |
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| Lake wrote: |
I'm just kidding. But think about it, it is the mutual communication that keeps a forum active.
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hehe,bad lake,i will bite you if i found you.good weekend .
and say hi to 戴玨 |
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