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和麻山云的雨赛跑
余德发
童生


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 15
Location: 中国贵州
余德发Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-14 12:49:41    Post subject: 和麻山云的雨赛跑 Reply with quote

爬上村庄的后山坡,才能看到离村庄很远很远的麻山云。
远望麻山云,巍峨高耸,宛若擎天之柱;山巅常常云遮雾绕,给人一种神秘之感。
麻山云是群山之主,周围的山依偎它,像在聆听妈妈讲述一个个古老的传说。
摆所河从麻山云的脚下缠绕而过,用潺潺的音调讲述它生命的沧桑。
因为麻山云,我们才知道雨是有脚的。雨,总是迈开矫健的步子,从麻山云跑向我们村庄。
小时候,我们在山上放牛,在山上打猪草,在山上捉迷藏,在山上采野果,在山上拖长音调高喊“嘿——嘿嘿——嘿嘿嘿——”,然后侧耳倾听对面山上传来的回声……
这时候,有个伙伴往麻山云那里随手一指:“下雨了!”我们才发现麻山云那里的雨雾正漫向村庄。
我们以家门为终点,和麻山云的雨赛起跑来。
忘记了光脚板下碎石带来的疼痛,我们在风中飞跑。偶尔有雨点打在头上,我们跑得更快了。
有时我们在半路与雨撞了个正着,我们输了,只得站在路边的树下喘着粗气;有时我们与雨一同跑到终点,分不清输赢;有时我们跑进了家门,把雨甩在了后边,无法说出心中的喜悦。
好大的雨呀,有竹竿雨,有瓢泼雨,有我们叫不出名儿的雨。
我们的童年,是和麻山云的雨一起跑过来的。
因而,无论我们是在乡村,还是城市,是在省内,还是省外,麻山云的形象永远在我们的心中巍峨高耸、云遮雾绕。
更重要的是,我们不仅要和心中的麻山云赛跑,还要和自己赛跑!
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上帝把我带到世间,我将抱着无比感恩的心,好好地生活……
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禾源
秀才


Joined: 14 Jun 2009
Posts: 195

禾源Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-15 02:17:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

短短的文章,倒写出很多名堂。
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余德发
童生


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 15
Location: 中国贵州
余德发Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-15 21:21:17    Post subject: 感谢老师的点评。 Reply with quote

真诚地感谢,并希望老师为我指点。
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上帝把我带到世间,我将抱着无比感恩的心,好好地生活……
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-16 05:08:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

个人愚见,如果再写细致些,更有情境感些会更好!
欢迎朋友的到来!
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余德发
童生


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 15
Location: 中国贵州
余德发Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-18 04:29:45    Post subject: 谢谢老师的点拨。 Reply with quote

这篇拙文,原先是拿当散文诗写的,所以不细腻;写出来后,又觉得不像散文诗,倒像散文,所以就发在散文这个栏目中来了。谢谢老师的点拨,你的点拨将会让我走向进步。
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上帝把我带到世间,我将抱着无比感恩的心,好好地生活……
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根瑶
秀才


Joined: 25 Sep 2009
Posts: 106

根瑶Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-19 01:51:17    Post subject: Reply with quote

回忆童年的事,很亲切的!问好!
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余德发
童生


Joined: 09 Jan 2010
Posts: 15
Location: 中国贵州
余德发Collection
PostPosted: 2010-01-19 03:54:09    Post subject: 谢谢老师的鼓励。 Reply with quote

你的鼓励如春风扑面,催人奋进,谢了!
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上帝把我带到世间,我将抱着无比感恩的心,好好地生活……
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