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春满江南(组诗)
戚寞
童生


Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Posts: 9

戚寞Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-16 03:38:21    Post subject: 春满江南(组诗) Reply with quote

  1 春雨

低垂的脸颊。迷蒙的眼
千丝万缕的柔情
跨越时空的飘舞。如此
从从容容漫过心田
肥的翠绿。和
清瘦的丹红


   2 春鸟

把阳光衔在嘴角
把暖风驮上翅膀
把自由的飞翔,涂上
闪亮的色彩。把柔软的雨水
噙满葱茏的眼睛。谁说春天
不是你此刻正在鸣唱的
轻快的歌儿


3 油菜

你怎么就轻易把你
灿烂的笑脸
挂上了高高的天空
而太阳火辣的眼睛
此刻却镶嵌在
松软的泥土深处


4 湖水

清澈的光圈
被暖风撩起的
微澜的心思。就这样轻轻
荡漾在我们干净的眸子里
垂柳是拂动的,鸟儿是喧嚣的
而倒映在你心房上的
蓬勃的春天,却是静止的




5 桃花

我温柔的小妹妹啊
你是怎样颤抖着
和枯萎擦肩而过;又
怎样哭泣着穿透黑夜
怎样挂满三月大颗的泪珠
羞涩而果断的挺起了
春天粉黛的小乳房


6 杨柳与湖

90度的想念
一尺远的距离
你心房上细密的缠绕
我血脉里滚动的誓言
千万次垂手,该如何
触摸你前生今世
不老的容颜


7 南方女子

柳树裁出的眉毛
被桃花浸红的脸颊
把聪慧挂满眼角
把白云揉进双眸
被撑开的油纸伞下
比春雨还细碎的步子
比阳光还热烈的笑窝


8 杜鹃

赤色的思念,年华青翠
如野火燃烧的青春
沦陷在我们疼痛的视线里
那殷红的天空。被浸染的土地
啼唤的布谷声声,包裹好
最后一道残阳,就这样轻易
烙红了那轻飘的岁月


  (2007-3-15)
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和平岛
举人


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-16 18:01:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

总体很不错

但每首最后的一句,总让我微微失望:
用太俗的格言式口号, 而流于形式, 比如
轻快的歌儿
不老的容颜
热烈的笑窝
轻飘的岁月
_________________
写诗是为了写更好的诗
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