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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五律•观看多伦多市雪景

龙图珍
童生

Joined: 15 Mar 2007
Posts: 17

龙图珍Collection

Posted: 2007-03-15 07:30:03 Post subject: 五律?观看多伦多市雪景

五律?观看多伦多市雪景 2007年2月26日临辰倚牖望，遍野白茫茫。皎絮苍穹舞，洁花大地扬。通街铺素绢，满市裹银装。雪里人车跑，蓬莱我自尝。

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-03-15 07:53:47 Post subject:

于闹市而尝静, 处寒冬而赞洁欢迎新朋友, 问好

秋叶
秀才

Joined: 17 Feb 2007
Posts: 769

秋叶Collection

Posted: 2007-03-15 12:09:31 Post subject: Re: 五律?观看多伦多市雪景

龙图珍 wrote:

五律?观看多伦多市雪景
2007年2月26日

临辰倚牖望，遍野白茫茫。
皎絮苍穹舞，洁花大地降。
通街铺素绢，满市裹银装。
雪里人车跑，蓬莱我自尝。

大作写多伦多这次的大雪写得好，另提几点供参考：
“遍野”和题目不很对。
“降”处应为平声。
颈联似合掌了。

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Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

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