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理想国(四首)
陈思楷
童生


Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 42
Location: 中国 广东
陈思楷Collection
PostPosted: 2009-09-24 13:21:17    Post subject: 理想国(四首) Reply with quote

◎卑微的预知

生于现实,死于虚幻。
孤独之神的手指按在谁的肩膀上
那个人就拥有魔力,奔跑如风
但他容易撞到台风、汽车或坚硬的巨石。
不要声张,不要大惊小怪
午睡的自然势力容易醒来。

讨论应该放在低处:柴米油盐风花雪月
嘻嘻哈哈,尽情干杯。尽量避开
刻骨铭心的,譬如爱情
它属于樱花,或一场永恒的柏拉图
我们充满想象力,诚惶诚恐
总怀疑神一苏醒就要吞噬一切

09.9.22中午

◎无病呻吟

下午的风温柔啊,听着她的歌唱
我的头疼平和下来
看着远处的青草搔首弄姿。
若可潜入风的内心,看清虚无与窜动
我愿意献出苹果花和高贵的惆怅

其实我不敢确定是否爱她
日光下的莲塘街车水马龙,嘈杂依然
我紧随风一深一浅地走
心不在焉:端详着一张张呼啸而过的脸
多么渴望别无选择是鼓胀的气球
一挤就破。

09.9.23下午

◎惩罚

夏天花瓣上抖动的露珠
被太阳一舔而尽。春天是放纵的魔鬼
你失去强硬的后台,无法洗濯
身上沉淀的罪恶——
你靠近无数花朵的美,露出触须和斑斓
自称同类。而后的糟蹋在夜间
你抛出迷人的眼神。
该死的,醒来后新欢在绿叶另一头
花朵来不及后悔,分泌出辛酸的泪
你也从不询问结果。

09.9.23下午

◎理想国

之后的生活在人间,在一个人的
厨房、洗手间和卧室。
我一次次抚摸洁白的瓷,像抚摸
自己曾经的高傲与不可一世。
夜里的烟灰洒落一地,《论语》的封面
渐渐变成一堵斑驳的墙。后来我把它忘了
走进一个人的酒吧、桑拿室。
这是贫穷的单纯者的梦想

这个清晨,我环视空旷的房间
封闭已久的窗沾满灰尘,刻着陌生
一打开,阳光溢满我的手指
群鸽扑哧扑哧地掠过浮云的天空
以及如同《论语》封面的楼房
他们继续雪白,保持着为天使时的沉默
盯了我一眼,越飞越高
我久久伫立,体内的柔软滚滚已沸。

09.9.24下午

简介:陈思楷,男,广东潮州人,校园诗人,“90后诗歌群落”成员。曾在《诗选刊》、《散文诗》、《黄河诗报》、《上海诗人》、《全国优秀作文选》、《现代青年》等国内刊物发表诗文近两百首(篇),获过几个小奖。现为上海作协文学百校行创作会会员。
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半溪明月
榜眼


Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection
PostPosted: 2009-09-24 21:19:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

这些诗歌很有质感,不错~
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2009-09-25 08:59:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

不錯, 字裡行間感覺有詩人的氣質, 雖然此時的詩文字還待再洗.
再多加強點文字功與詩學, 會是個可以預期的新秀詩人.
_________________
(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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陈思楷
童生


Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 42
Location: 中国 广东
陈思楷Collection
PostPosted: 2009-09-26 03:34:39    Post subject: Reply with quote

半溪明月 wrote:
这些诗歌很有质感,不错~
谢谢鼓励!问好!
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陈思楷
童生


Joined: 11 Mar 2009
Posts: 42
Location: 中国 广东
陈思楷Collection
PostPosted: 2009-09-26 03:35:26    Post subject: Reply with quote

博弈 wrote:
不錯, 字裡行間感覺有詩人的氣質, 雖然此時的詩文字還待再洗.
...
太谢谢老师了!
我知道了,我会努力的!
望多多指教!
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-09-26 16:26:44    Post subject: Reply with quote

写的角度都挺好~独特~用词尽量少形容多些动词~~形容词会削弱阅读快感~~~仅作建议~~~

问好~~
_________________
如果不开始,会失去过程。
QQ:3972083
微信:qisebaihuayuan
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