justjust
童生
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-03-13
tièzǐ: 13
justjustběiměifēngwénjí |
 fābiǎoyú: 2009-07-10 11:21:07 fābiǎozhùtí: a loose sonnet |
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why do my limbs now feel as cold as ice
when the summer's flowers all smile in hue?
why do green leaves wave in a gentle breeze
and yet my cheeks wither in salty dew?
who says that two weeks are short in one's life?
they are two years, no, two decades in mine
as i count second by second in my head
no end is seen and gone my mood to dine
please worry not for love will keep me 'live
and being ridiculed do not i fear
love speaks far louder than the roaring sea
deafening a cuckoo's slanders and smear
do come back soon my sweetest apple pie
or else the tormenting time will ne'er fly |
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Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-07-17 06:01:32 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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Another nice love poem.
When you say "loose sonnet", do you mean it didn't follow the traditional form strictly per its requirement of meter, rhyme scheme but the 14 lines?
L4 in S2 stumbled me. "...my mood to dine"
L1 of S3 "please worry not for love will keep me 'live "
To whom does the speaker say "please worry not..."?
"salty dew", "apple pie" are on the verge of cliché, are they not?
Thanks for the read.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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justjust
童生
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-03-13
tièzǐ: 13
justjustběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-07-17 14:33:57 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| Lake xièdào: |
Another nice love poem.
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thanks.
| Lake xièdào: |
When you say "loose sonnet", do you mean it didn't follow the traditional form strictly per its requirement of meter, rhyme scheme but the 14 lines?
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right, i did not follow iambic pentameter though each line consisted of 10 syllables. also odd-numbered lines are not rhymed.
| Lake xièdào: |
L4 in S2 stumbled me. "...my mood to dine"
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an online friend was in china for 2 weeks, during which time i was thinking of her. i had no mood to have dinner.
| Lake xièdào: |
L1 of S3 "please worry not for love will keep me 'live "
To whom does the speaker say "please worry not..."?
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i was talking to the online friend.
| Lake xièdào: |
"salty dew", "apple pie" are on the verge of cliché, are they not?
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by 'salty dew', i meant tears. possibly this is a cliche. definitely the 'apple pie' has been around for ages. when i was writing the poem, i just thought of those words. |
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Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-07-20 07:52:18 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| justjust xièdào: |
i was talking to the online friend.
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Ah, online is challenging.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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