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《苦旅》,请各位诗友批!
yinxiaoyuan
举人


Joined: 08 Jun 2007
Posts: 1181
Location: 中国北京
yinxiaoyuanCollection
PostPosted: 2009-05-04 23:04:12    Post subject: 《苦旅》,请各位诗友批! Reply with quote

某同题诗比赛题目

   苦旅
  文/殷晓媛

一 苦+旅

蛰伏的夜正酣。善于拨动刻度盘的手

稔熟地校正了回归线。是啄木鸟无法穿透的硬核,海

熄灭所有带有荧光的脚印,顺便擦掉虚假的唇印

和指纹。昼夜循环使一切证据湮灭。蓝色浩浩荡荡

几乎要凝固成墨黑,切断海岸弧线的她



红色的裙摆使无限张开的空间顿挫。蹲坐的姿势

高贵的膝盖正好是波浪上扬的仰角。似曾相识的地标

嘲弄圆周的薄弱贫瘠。等待,你木讷成秋风中的稻草人;

前行,你沦落成原地芭蕾的圆规。缺乏承诺的道路

让八面玲珑的地球,充满嘲弄的弦外之音。

苦行不能磨掉什么,相反,地面和脚的茧子

都越来越厚。



二 苦=旅

箱子里装满了蜂鸣的声音,每走出一步

大地就发出提示音,朦朦胧胧,模棱两可。

他把身体装满了终生的愤怒,要把这种咸一路

越吃越轻。但阳光从来也没有收敛过,它激荡不止的光线

使他沉重而眩晕,成了一包被浸湿的棉花。头重脚轻,



摇摇欲坠超载的肩膀,挤满了抽象的意象、希望、

情绪和路标。坐下的时候,苦难的记忆和预兆

从背后勒住他的脖子,罩住他的头。举手投足间

充满谋杀者的敏捷。行路时,他们就站在影子里

被他拖曳着跋涉,尽量让他误以为这是

自己的重量。



三 苦?旅?

为哀恸而祷告,为迁徙而诵经。你恶毒的舌头

如果不停,我们如何能奢望走出

这声音的迷阵?一直以为你能像古老的经文中

说的,指引我们。而你只是把我们

带到十字路口,轻轻一句“抓阄吧”

把我们送给某一个概率。我们仅仅有时间



疲惫,或者哭泣——拜你所赐。用眼泪洗涤疲惫,

用疲惫挥发眼泪。我们早就看穿,却披着深色斗篷

挂出虔诚庄重肃穆的表情。我们要在风和火之上

奔走,在超越光速的瞬间,让燃烧的能量剥去

这丑陋的躯壳,只留下

没有物质的速度,

没有感觉的思想
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-05-05 00:18:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

比较干净的一组~~词语圆润~越往后越顺~~

也许是我欣赏诗歌的方向已经改变了~~诗歌是好诗歌~但欠缺一点硬骨撑住它~~
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