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麦之王(外两首) Previous  [1]2[3][4]  Next
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 08:13:59    Post subject: Re: 好诗 Reply with quote

韩少君 wrote:
力透荧屏
好功夫

问好朋友, 谢谢鼓励.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 08:33:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

博弈 wrote:
读了有诗饿感。


诗饿感? 我想了好久, 未果.......难道真象某些朋友所说,我真有点"BEN", 哈, 这个字我不喜欢. Very Happy
大博士可否解释一下 Embarassed
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博弈
榜眼


Joined: 21 Dec 2006
Posts: 4381
Location: SFO
博弈Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 18:08:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

大凡郁愤,胸满而腹饥;此诗让我有腹饥感,又象开了胃,却未饱食。

<麦之王> 的第二段

举起
那枚闪亮的餐刀
剖开胸膛, 面对着你
饥饿的
臣民, 我
终于醒了, 半只球形的
全麦面包
才是你梦寐以求的归宿

<麦浪> 本是饱的形象,一颗露珠就让整个饿了,反象了。

铁轨是饥渴的,对血。如炉对钢水亦是饥渴的。

取去生命后,如风逝去,留下饥饿的诗人咏叹,如你。
读者旁观,亦不饱矣。(一时瞎感,不过还真饿了)
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 19:14:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

kokho wrote:
突飞猛进 ;))

恭喜 。。。

Cool Laughing


KOK, 悄悄告诉你,这是我去年的旧作. Embarassed
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 19:28:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

子花 wrote:
一个有气势,二三招数一样!!都喜欢,学习!

谢谢你, 新朋友.
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 19:33:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

了因大兄 wrote:
喜欢1


好眼力, 后两首是第一首贴出后答网友跟帖的临屏诗. 沉淀不足. Embarassed
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-24 19:37:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

博弈 wrote:
大凡郁愤,胸满而腹饥;此诗让我有腹饥感,又象开了胃,却未饱食。

<麦之王> 的第二段

举起
那枚闪亮的餐刀
剖开胸膛, 面对着你
饥饿的
臣民, 我
终于醒了, 半只球形的
全麦面包
才是你梦寐以求的归宿

<麦浪> 本是饱的形象,一颗露珠就让整个饿了,反象了。

铁轨是饥渴的,对血。如炉对钢水亦是饥渴的。

取去生命后,如风逝去,留下饥饿的诗人咏叹,如你。
读者旁观,亦不饱矣。(一时瞎感,不过还真饿了)


哈, 博士, 这首诗歌原本是对麦奉献的赞, 被你这么一点, 我也饿了 Wink
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荷梦
进士出身


Joined: 19 Dec 2006
Posts: 2826
Location: 湖北,黄梅
荷梦Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-25 01:50:33    Post subject: Reply with quote

语言精练且有力度,学习了!
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远方有佳人
秀才


Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 102

远方有佳人Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-25 02:27:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习
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晓松
举人


Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-25 20:28:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

王冠,佩剑,盔甲,锐气.....
诗中透着王者之风,又刚柔相济。
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高源
童生


Joined: 12 Mar 2007
Posts: 17

高源Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-25 23:01:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

学习了
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阿依琼裙
秀才


Joined: 09 Apr 2007
Posts: 920
Location: 废墟之上
阿依琼裙Collection
PostPosted: 2007-04-26 00:28:20    Post subject: Reply with quote

收获一样有疼痛
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踏过废墟,走来
http://blog.sina.com.cn/m/weiyurong
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-01 17:40:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

梦荷, 远方有佳人, 晓松, 高源, 阿依琼裙, 谢谢你们的理解和鼓励. 问好
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安红红
同进士出身


Joined: 07 Feb 2009
Posts: 1808

安红红Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-25 21:05:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

陪悼~~海子~~
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如果不开始,会失去过程。
QQ:3972083
微信:qisebaihuayuan
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-25 23:06:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

好诗总是不期而遇。明后天一定得为你这一组说些什么了!
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诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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慈林
秀才


Joined: 20 Dec 2008
Posts: 419
Location: 洛杉矶
慈林Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-25 23:10:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

这三首诗甚具诗意,都是以诗的意象说话,是诗人写的诗.但都有一个共同缺点,就是其结尾都不太与前段吻合,游离了,让人不解其意.作者想营造一个出期不意的转折,但这转折应与前段有联糸,否则起不了升华作用,还破坏了全诗的完整性.
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
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PostPosted: 2009-03-26 00:13:23    Post subject: Reply with quote

再读。还是赞叹!
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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吟啸徐行
举人


Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
吟啸徐行Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-26 05:09:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

虽简短,但无疑是纪念海子的最好的诗歌之一。
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彰显自我爱好,弘扬民族文化,追求诗意生活.
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山城子
榜眼


Joined: 23 May 2007
Posts: 4771
Location: 中国贵州
山城子Collection
PostPosted: 2009-03-26 18:36:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

诗王祭
——读白水的《麦之王》《麦浪》与《轨》
文/ 山城子

古有诗祖,每年端阳泪洒汨罗;今出诗王,及春三月诗抛天堂。
诗王之戳同诗有约,青春五彩千古标树;诗祖之殇与风无关,热血一腔万世留芳。
诗祖高冠长服每赴悉尼闲闲过节,诗王赤脚短裤常走麦地戚戚回眸。
眸回冥冥为那般,谁让你从容“轻轻摘去/ 你的王冠”;剑挥闪闪竟何意,谁宠你“这里/葬着/ 我的恋人”?
祭王之诗年年如雪,化了又飘;悼王之文岁岁若絮,飘了再生。飘飘洒洒或泪似雨,洒洒飘飘或血如虹。虽如虹,未免偏颇恨恨之色;且似雨,不绝粗厉絮絮之声。
今有愚者孤陋,老者寡闻,却愕然逢金在彼岸,欣然拾玉于白水。玉比和氏璧,金则金镶玉。有言为证曰“笔力深厚”而“ 力透荧屏”,“ 王者之风,又刚柔相济”。且有博士大呼“此诗让我有腹饥感”,又有文友简评“含义深刻尤其后首”云云。
愚者则说:“盔甲、佩剑、锐气”之意象创造,王者形象崛然而立;“拈来、温柔、珍重”之语言婉约,主体思踪曦然而出。“面包”之喻,深入王者“面朝大海,春暖花开”之理想;“恋人”之比,托出诗人“诗词流韵,淘洗湘莲”之痴情。
老者却语:《麦浪》之“黄”之复沓,已然踏入炎黄之黄,别有深意;而《轨》之“想”之顶针,则又顶出想外之想,以“血”深刻。
呜呼!三诗三叹,婉剜人心;一帖群跟,群祭诗王。
2009-03-27于上海宋园路
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诗是人生的雅伴儿。
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
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Location: 中国北京
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PostPosted: 2009-03-28 00:14:06    Post subject: Reply with quote

挖掘的很深的作品,问好姐姐.
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