Maple Review :: View topic - 五律游鼓浪屿

	Chinese Literature Society of North America \| Maple Review \| Immigrants in Canada \| Angel Studio \| The Driftwood Artist Society \| Ocean of Poetry \| Island of Music "HuaHe Cup" 2007 Chinese Mainland and Oversea Poetry Competition and Non-governmental Magazines and Newspapers Joint Exhibition starts on the first day of 2007.
	FAQ Search Memberlist Usergroups Register Profile Log in to check your private messages Sign in Blogs Weblogs News Album



Dictionary Check Poems' Rules & Forms Search for Chinese Poems Poetry & Music

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

五律游鼓浪屿

Previous [1]2

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-06 07:14:39 Post subject:

冰清 wrote:

lulu wrote:

野航 wrote:

发现其中有两组韵,一组仄韵,一组平韵.又平仄互押,显得节奏太快了.

谢野航老师赏读！谢您的意见！
现把这首诗重新修改一下，不知野航老师以为如何？请多指教！

五律游古浪屿

寻芳赏海岛，艳蕊竟娇妍。
溪水唱欢乐，蝴蝶舞逸闲。
轻舟飞碧浪，绿柳傍清泉。
耳畔笛声响，如临御景园。
...

lulu，这诗传达了快乐的景和情，可见你在立意造境方面是考虑较多的。
...

谢冰清老师赏阅和表扬！谢您的指点！您只用一个“飞”字就把这首诗的意境给点活了，妙笔！佩服！学习了！lulu已改之。请您多多赐教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-06 07:28:11 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

冰清老师妙笔好建议！

是啊，冰清老师只用一个“飞”字就把这首诗的意境给点活了！佩服！学习了！
望庆宏老师多多指教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

wenshan
秀才

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 112
Location: Canada
wenshanCollection

Posted: 2009-02-07 11:40:13 Post subject: 五律-游鼓浪屿

lulu wrote:

野航 wrote:

发现其中有两组韵,一组仄韵,一组平韵.又平仄互押,显得节奏太快了.

谢野航老师赏读！谢您的意见！
...

依韵奉和lulu《五律-游鼓浪屿》
尚请诸诗友指正

趁春游鼓浪，迎客百花妍。
旭日岩崖上，飞鸥碧水边。
海云飘渺处，陆岛脉根连。
震旦家天下，和谐共月圆。

注：陆岛，即大陆和宝岛台湾。震旦，古称指中国。

（加拿大/闻山）
_________________
枫叶国-闻山

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-08 00:22:41 Post subject:

wenshan wrote:

lulu wrote:

野航 wrote:

发现其中有两组韵,一组仄韵,一组平韵.又平仄互押,显得节奏太快了.

谢野航老师赏读！谢您的意见！
...

依韵奉和lulu《五律-游鼓浪屿》
...

您的这首诗写得很畅快，很悠闲，不仅描绘了景色，又突出了陆岛相连的特点，欣赏！学习了！望常来指教！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

连南河
秀才

Joined: 30 Aug 2008
Posts: 342
Location: Toronto
连南河Collection

Posted: 2009-02-08 04:54:02 Post subject:

吟芳飘两岸踏浪百花香椰树金门岛轻舟柳绿扬古浪屿=鼓浪屿？ _________________ 一路雨丝一路风

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-09 04:45:54 Post subject:

连南河 wrote:

吟芳飘两岸
踏浪百花香
椰树金门岛
轻舟柳绿扬

古浪屿=鼓浪屿？

给诗友问好！非常感谢您的和诗！
您的诗简单明快，清新洒脱，欣赏！请多指教！
不好意思，lulu把第一首的“鼓”误写为“古”，检查不够仔细，已更正，thanks!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

wenshan
秀才

Joined: 29 Jul 2007
Posts: 112
Location: Canada
wenshanCollection

Posted: 2009-02-09 06:30:14 Post subject:

lulu 说：古浪屿不等于鼓浪屿。请教古浪屿在何处？ _________________ 枫叶国-闻山

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-02-09 22:02:52 Post subject:

wenshan wrote:

lulu 说：古浪屿不等于鼓浪屿。请教古浪屿在何处？

不好意思，lulu把第一首的“鼓”误写为“古”，检查不够仔细，已更正，thanks!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

晓松
举人

Joined: 26 Feb 2007
Posts: 1192

晓松Collection

Posted: 2009-03-17 18:27:50 Post subject:

有山有水，有声有色，情景交融，令人神往。

lulu
秀才

Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection

Posted: 2009-03-28 00:37:48 Post subject:

晓松 wrote:

有山有水，有声有色，情景交融，令人神往。

谢晓松老师玉赏雅评！您的评语令lulu高兴了好一阵子，多谢鼓励！欢迎您常来指点哦！
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

Display posts from previous:

Emoticons





View more Emoticons

Previous [1]2 Page 2 of 2 View previous topic View next topic

Maple Review Home -> 古韵新音

Once you post your works here, that means you submits them to the magazine of Maple Review (North American Maple, or BeiMeiFeng), a bilingual journal published by Chinese Literature Society of North America. The magazine holds the right to translate them into Chinese, and publish them in both languages. You need to be responsible for the copyright issues of your own files uploaded.
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group
phpBB Chinese interface was translated by iCy-fLaME