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《马甲》
沙漠
秀才


Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-18 23:25:15    Post subject: 《马甲》 Reply with quote

《马甲》

从阶级斗争到喇叭裤,流行的戏剧一出出
近年的雨后春笋不比旧时少。他婚后被摁到偏远小村
指导了一年之后有了一张新名片,前面是委员加办公室主任
背后是喜得贵子,长得象局长
那年我在网上游进钻出
发现马甲挺好,竟有龟壳一样的功效。
2007.02.17

《瞬间》

我们淡泊,张扬,粪土万户侯
天生的纯净,让你眼中悄悄溢出波光
一个音乐肆意之夜,我在月光海岸数星星
来不及准备好合适的心情
你就把自己摇成一艘小船。纤绳突然脱落,是一处硬伤
月亮钻进了陌生的云层。那时,有一颗星跌入海底
没有唱出“我的爱对你说”
而时光的触须,总在不经意间伸入记忆的密坛
在那一片波光和悄然的歌声里
濯洗得更加白净

《记忆》

一些事物平静走过之后,又常常
回来把你感动。比如那一场雨
一场突如其来的雨,把你完整地打开
象潮汐打开混沌的夜。心跳那样近
你无所遮掩。你心中与生俱来的漫天雪花
冷却了一波又一波潮红
而春风又怎么能锁住花蕊呢。一场远去的雨
缤纷起来,滋润了多少龟裂的时间
2007.02.18

《春天即景》

想下蛋就下,分什么场合
自有该播的种和该飞舞的镰刀
多余的和异类的,空红了一双眼睛
你没看见我们为之掉泪的异乡女子
在烟花之下,三三两两,五七成群
象一簇簇翠草。笑一笑,就痊愈了冬雪压出的伤痕
叽里旮旯里,三十二十地讨价,把一个春天
演绎得淋漓尽致
2007.02.19
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-02-18 23:31:01    Post subject: Reply with quote

几个诗意很浓的

沙漠真的变绿洲了

春节快乐
Very Happy
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-21 18:14:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢这几首, 特别是<记忆>.
《瞬间》也挺好, 就是"粪土万户侯"感觉有点象夹进去的......怎么说呢, 或许就是要这汉堡包效果? 己见, 不妥见谅 Embarassed
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赵福治
探花


Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 3456
Location: 中国北京
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PostPosted: 2007-02-21 18:56:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

一些事物平静走过之后,又常常
回来把你感动。.....有力度的一组.提读.
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萧萧
童生


Joined: 07 Nov 2006
Posts: 16
Location: 江苏南通市
萧萧Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:12:13    Post subject: Reply with quote

沙漠的这一组读过,很有意味的!提!
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杯中冲浪
进士出身


Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
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PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:24:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

记忆不错,但有些句子感觉不太妥,比如:“象潮汐打开混沌的夜”,怎样解释呢?“而春风又怎么能锁住花蕊呢”,春风本来就没有锁住花蕊,为什么用“锁”字呢?
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-23 07:11:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

杯中冲浪 wrote:
记忆不错,但有些句子感觉不太妥,比如:“象潮汐打开混沌的夜”,怎样解释呢?“而春风又怎么能锁住花蕊呢”,春风本来就没有锁住花蕊,为什么用“锁”字呢?


不好意思, 抬个小杠. 杯中怎么冲浪呢?
这恰好是诗歌的语言魅力所在.
别介意, 和你熟悉才敢借胆商榷. 不托见谅. 问好 Very Happy
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