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短诗《这个季节是春天》
陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
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Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:38:37    Post subject: 短诗《这个季节是春天》 Reply with quote

这个季节是春天

没有见过海,想海
想海的时候
我就抬头看看天
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和平岛
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:40:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

这个很妙

问好祥子
很纯真呀
Very Happy
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写诗是为了写更好的诗
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陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
Posts: 470
Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:43:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

问好岛主!以前写的,不知孬好。拿出来给朋友瞅瞅!哈哈哈
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¤当树的叶子再次泛绿,繁华
¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影
¤看着春天悄悄地走来
¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下
◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe
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陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
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Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:47:16    Post subject: Reply with quote

明天就要上班了,还没玩够呢。有时间会一定多发些小诗让兄弟们指教指教。
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¤当树的叶子再次泛绿,繁华
¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影
¤看着春天悄悄地走来
¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下
◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe
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杯中冲浪
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-02-21 22:58:53    Post subject: Reply with quote

有画面感的。
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陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-02-21 23:09:51    Post subject: Reply with quote

春天是想像的季节,春天——海——天
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¤当树的叶子再次泛绿,繁华
¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影
¤看着春天悄悄地走来
¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下
◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe
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和平岛
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Joined: 25 May 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-05-04 07:32:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

简简单单就是好
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上城
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PostPosted: 2007-05-04 10:16:41    Post subject: Reply with quote

很纯真.如岛主所说
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陈若祥
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Joined: 12 Feb 2007
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陈若祥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-05 04:46:57    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢诸位点评、欣赏。
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¤当树的叶子再次泛绿,繁华
¤我们欣赏着一部与你我无关的电影
¤看着春天悄悄地走来
¤看着春天延伸在我们的脚下
◆安徽凤鸣诗社◆http://blog.sina.com.cn/fmshishe
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韩少君
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Joined: 06 Apr 2007
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PostPosted: 2007-05-06 03:34:25    Post subject: 问好 Reply with quote

好意境。有点象俳句。演绎中的递进。
你学生的诗也都不错。名师出高徒吧。欣赏。
欢迎短诗。多贴。
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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陈若祥
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Location: 中国*安徽
陈若祥Collection
PostPosted: 2007-05-06 05:03:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢各位对我们的关注与鼓励!
学生对诗是热爱的,他们有激情,有自己独特的体验,
所以,我始终坚信他们能够创作出好诗.
他们缺少的是写诗的技巧,我所做的是把他们的诗作精练并力图提升,即删去非诗化的语言,增加一两句诗化的语言而已.
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品玉
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PostPosted: 2007-05-06 23:24:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

一语点破春帘!
欣赏!
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changan
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Joined: 06 May 2007
Posts: 39

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PostPosted: 2007-05-07 00:15:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

[quote="陈若祥"]春天是想像的季节,春天——海——天[/quote]

极是!
在春天总有许多故事,每个人都幻想着美好的风景出现。

提倡短诗!
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博弈
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Joined: 21 Dec 2006
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PostPosted: 2007-05-07 06:32:04    Post subject: Reply with quote

干净而又有联想。冲着一个海字

ZT

风很美
小小的风很美
自然界的乳房很美
水很美
水啊
无人和你
说话的时刻很美
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kokho
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PostPosted: 2007-05-08 12:49:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

和平岛 wrote:
这个很妙

问好祥子
很纯真呀
Very Happy


同感。。。


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