莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
 Posted: 2007-05-23 23:29:13 Post subject: 别春 |
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告别春的绚丽
任暖风轻舞杨花柳絮
闻得有人悲赋伤词
引起无数猜语
告别春的艳丽
听细雨低吟缓慢浅叙
晓它润就丰收待知
塑造希望些许
告别春的绮丽
赏暖风送那杨花柳絮
休唱飞红怨曲哀诗
何苦无数猜句
告别春的俏丽
听细雨温歌夏的奇遇
润就多少未知新奇
常言大爱无语
告别春的美丽
迎来炙热浓情的夏季
就让这风，这雨
造出金色甘美之秋
奏一曲大爱无语 |
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草原牧歌
童生
Joined: 21 May 2007
Posts: 23
草原牧歌Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-24 01:34:47 Post subject: |
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情感细腻动人！
再小提一点：诗若能少一些压韵，似乎诗味更浓。
个见请谅 |
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莹雪
进士出身
Joined: 28 Sep 2006
Posts: 2520
Location: 中国－辽宁·三燕故都
莹雪Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-24 22:37:47 Post subject: |
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| 呵呵，谢谢！ |
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-25 04:54:58 Post subject: |
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MM, 不错的小诗. 很少见你写现代诗的  |
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金金
进士出身
Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection |
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韩少君
进士出身
Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-26 16:55:27 Post subject: |
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好一首抒情歌曲！配乐吧！
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345 |
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沙漠
秀才
Joined: 26 Jan 2007
Posts: 977
Location: 中国温州
沙漠Collection |
| Posted: 2007-05-26 17:18:53 Post subject: |
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最后一节若能和上面的结构相同，就更美了：）
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个人博客http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1056295180 |
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2007-05-28 23:47:26 Post subject: |
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| 草原牧歌 wrote: |
情感细腻动人！
再小提一点：诗若能少一些压韵，似乎诗味更浓。
个见请谅 |
绝对支持。。。
 
。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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