关于悬湖的一点悬想

[hepingdao]

关于悬湖的一点悬想
半溪明月[中国四川]

造一艘诺亚方舟
装进祖国所有人民、牲畜和飞禽
如果可以，还要装一些花草树木
蝴蝶兰，桃金娘，天竺葵
酢浆草要选四叶的

你是造船师也是掌舵人
有人跑过来。原谅我归他人民之外
只要你点头，那好吧
让他跟着我们的小狗先学怎样爱人

过山车一样，我们从悬湖顶上冲下来
救出正挖掘的工兵和勇士
他们是最可敬的一群人
任何时候，都坚守在生命的最低处

当然，关于悬湖的最坏结果
也只是顺着河道的方向
漫上500米的高空
借着水势，我们能一气冲上
平日爬不上的人生高度


A Dwindling Thought about the Earthquake Lake
By BanXiMingYue [Sichuan, China]

Build a Noah's Ark
Ship it with all of the people, livestock, and fowl
of our land, if that is possible,
we still want some flowers, trees,
moth orchid, myrtle, and geranium.
Choose the kind of wood sorrel with four leaves.

You are the builder and captain
There is someone coming. Execuse me for excluding him
from our tribe. Only if you nod, that would be better
Ask him to follow our puppy to learn how to love

Like a rolling car, we rush from the top of a floating lake
down to rescue those digging sappers and warriors
who are the loveliest group
at all times, they hold on to the lowest place

Sure, here is the worst scenario:
in the direction of riverbed,
the water overflows up to 500 meters high
With such a water potential, we can all surf up
to a height that can never be experienced in our daily lives

translated by hepingdao
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[William Zhou周道模]

I have read it aloud and learned from it, thanks!
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[Lake]

岛主花了多长时间翻译此诗？I know I start to jump the gun, wish others can follow...

Earthquake Lake - 是否指的是堰塞湖？好像还有其它的译法。

A Dwindling Thought - "dwindling", meaning diminish, fade away. 于原文不符。值得商榷。

to rescue those digging sappers and warriors - 容易产生误解,others are digging those sappers and warriors instead of sappers and warriors are digging.

tribe- reminds me of American Indian tribe.

a rolling car - roller coaster?

they hold on to the lowest place - 不看中文不知道什么意思。

其实我最成问题的问题是诗中引用的" Noah's Ark ", 好像现代诗歌（中文）援用西方宗教神话典故入诗挺流行，不大顾及 context and implication. 关于deluge, Noah's ark 还有很多争论。总之，有点怪怪的感觉。you know what I mean...

岛主辛苦了。

Just a rant. Better not listen to me.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[hepingdao]

1 hour or less,

thanks,
i will think about your inputs

tribe: do it on purpose, the word people is kind of too vague and common

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[hepingdao]

1. avalanche lake
2. barrier lake
3. dammed lake

悬想: thought in suspense, hanging thought?

to rescue those digging sappers and warriors: should be ok, sappers and warriors are the nouns who are digging

roller coaster is a good word

they hold on to the lowest place: might be replace by
they hold on to the weakest link, or point
but this will lose the sense of height

Noah's Ark: only to keep the original meaning of the poem. It is a personal flavour to use it or not in someone's poem

thanks
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[Lake]

You're very efficient.

What does 悬想 mean exactly? 凭空想象？ Or is it a word play on 悬湖?
And what is 生命的最低处 ? I may have interpreted it wrong at first.

I find it more and more difficult to translate modern poetry, for if you translate it word-for-word, English speakers may have problem understanding it; if you want to get the meanings across, doing so called free translation, you'll be shouted at "not accurate"!

Let's see what others think.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[hepingdao]

should find something in between

first is word by word, then in some special difficult parts, need to pass the meaning across
and in order to follow the tradition of english language and culture, might do some distortion treatment?
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