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习作:几首工厂诗歌
韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-05 17:47:44    Post subject: 习作:几首工厂诗歌 Reply with quote

《铲车》

铲车的前面永远有一堵墙

如同炒菜
铲车把泥土或垃圾翻炒得滚瓜烂熟

巨大的轰鸣 让那堵墙颤抖
铲车兴奋 嗷嗷叫着
让那些锹镐、瓦砾翻白眼 变颜色

瞬间就喝掉几升油
如同一个莽汉 狂饮了几杯烈酒
看热闹的烟囱 树木和小鸟
都骨软筋麻

铲车挑逗着我的神经
它端走一切废弃的怀旧的议论
和不再反悔的决心

铲车前面
必须有一堵墙

《齿轮泵》

我第一次看到完美的咬合
不在于尖利 不像鳄鱼那样

有人在说笑:
齿分阴阳 轮分公母

十八座油罐
十八台齿轮泵同时开启
旋转的声音很匀称

在金属的管子里
食用油很愉快 很欢畅
颤音 质感 磁性
仿佛遥远的
细腻的小合唱

歌词大意是:
轮分公母
齿分阴阳

《睡觉的油》

睡觉的油 在冬季
昏迷不醒

在巨大的罐中
睡得很香

它能够听见炸锅的声音
和豆菽的歌唱
和老工匠的心跳

豆菽吃了太多的阳光
胃里金黄
睡觉的油 也像赤金一样
把光藏在体肤内部

不流动
和罐体 齿轮泵 输油管
暂时都不存在摩擦

这些干活的人
情绪稳定 心安理得
轻手轻脚 生怕惊醒它

虽然很累
也不会借机把汗水炫耀进去

凝固的油
被工人称为睡觉的油

《抄电表》

老板很惊愕:
这个月走了这么多的字!

电流在电线里
电流有多少只脚
鬼知道 工人在车间里
一个工人能有多少只脚
我知道

我是负责抄表的
我自己究竟有多少只脚
我都不知道

还有那些轴承、槽轮、铣床、刨床
老板的床
究竟有多少只脚
我真的不知道

我只负责抄表
还有堕胎的宋晓丽
这个月里 她的电褥子
超耗电流28个字
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-07 17:29:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

新意而有内涵, 喜欢
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江南雨
秀才


Joined: 03 Jul 2009
Posts: 627
Location: 中国陕西省
江南雨Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-07 21:47:10    Post subject: Reply with quote

我只负责抄表
还有堕胎的宋晓丽
这个月里 她的电褥子
超耗电流28个字
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陕西姜华
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君山楚女
秀才


Joined: 09 Sep 2008
Posts: 333
Location: 湖南雁城[居住南京]
君山楚女Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-10 17:13:09    Post subject: Reply with quote

我喜欢这组工业诗!

诗人的笔触及生产、流通与生活的各个层面,诗才有前途!
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学习的敌人是自己的满足,要认真学习一点东西,必须从不自满开始。——毛泽东
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吟啸徐行
举人


Joined: 03 May 2008
Posts: 1336
Location: 中国安徽
吟啸徐行Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-10 19:21:46    Post subject: Reply with quote

透过冰冷的铁器,写出了生机与诗情,触到了很多现实问题.
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彰显自我爱好,弘扬民族文化,追求诗意生活.
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-23 05:54:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢楼上各位,迟复为歉!
_________________
靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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sfiawong
秀才


Joined: 05 May 2009
Posts: 813
Location: US/HK
sfiawongCollection
PostPosted: 2010-05-23 12:46:36    Post subject: Reply with quote

你的詩令我回想起
得輕輕鬆鬆的
風馳着鏟車的模樣
廠內工人以很輕易
在我放工之後
他學著我一樣威風
竟把幾柱牆門撞倒了
立即跑去誣告我說
亞王撞倒了門框
這樣的同胞
我避之則吉離去
遠離身邊的犲狼
工廠的日子好/壞
感同身受其害
一點都不是好過
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有評必回應.
Love your relatives and friends when they are near you.
我的英文詩:
http://poemhunter.com/albert-wong
http://facebook.com/sfiawong
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韩少君
进士出身


Joined: 06 Apr 2007
Posts: 2558
Location: 吉林四平
韩少君Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-23 14:14:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

cup of wine
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靠才华为自己带来幸福的是才子;靠才华为自己带来痛苦的是诗人!!http://blog.sina.com.cn/hanshaojun345
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金金
进士出身


Joined: 08 Feb 2007
Posts: 2035
Location: 山东济宁
金金Collection
PostPosted: 2010-05-24 18:38:47    Post subject: Reply with quote

比喻很有功力又很正,真不多见
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