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冷巉无题诗
冷巉
举人


Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1106
Location: 中国十堰
冷巉Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-10 05:42:08    Post subject: 冷巉无题诗 Reply with quote

◆冷巉无题诗
文/冷巉

还没有睡的是自封为年轻的人
在梦醒的夜,他听人说
晨曦以前,有鬼出没,会跟着串门,会跟着起点
二更以后,一个女子,对他诉说,鬼就在他回家的路
跟着汽车奔跑,转瞬便不留字迹 不留话语
几个男人,从厂房出现
呼呼入侵的,从侧门抬出的
长长的舌,红红的眼,吓晕了的苍白的脸
由二楼窗口逃出变态的灵魂,裸奔的阴险
如果有人告诉你,以后再见
这将会在天明以前,在美的城堡里纵情翻滚,变成
早春的群聚之恋


◆满目凄凉独自恨
文/冷巉

三月二日二十一点十分
她逝去了,永远地逝去了
随着一双手的陷入,她永远地回到了
她来时的地方
但她却微笑着,闭上了眼睛

“是你自找的,女人我多的是。”
她,却再也听不到这样的话了
她红绸掩面,窃喜安静带来的变化

他,原本等着她的反抗
等着她给自己判刑
而她平静地停止了呼吸
温度一点点离开她的身体
只有他惊慌失措,魔鬼一般地喘息

满目凄凉独自恨
夜半无语泪无痕
九霄高唱催眠曲
笑傻宫中痴情人

“姐姐。”她笑了,“我来了。”

她平静的灵魂在月光下升腾
记忆穿越呼吸已经远去
渐渐化为泡影
待风悄悄地把它吹散

(我的一个朋友死在她情人的手里,谨以此文,追缅她未了的错爱)
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hepingdao
Site Admin


Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106

hepingdaoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-10 12:12:02    Post subject: Reply with quote

喜欢无题诗
前半部
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冷巉
举人


Joined: 10 Mar 2007
Posts: 1106
Location: 中国十堰
冷巉Collection
PostPosted: 2007-03-11 01:08:15    Post subject: Reply with quote

hepingdao谢谢你,还请多多指点!
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冷巉 湖北省十堰市茅箭区三堰邮政小区48号信箱 442000
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nobody
进士出身


Joined: 31 Dec 2006
Posts: 2651
Location: Madtown
nobodyCollection
PostPosted: 2007-03-11 13:28:40    Post subject: Reply with quote

等着她给自己判刑

总体缺少惊人处。故事不好讲,需要更加敏锐的捕捉。妄言见谅。
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