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Wild Rice Congee
Lake
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注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286

Lake北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2013-11-11 02:27:00    发表主题: Wild Rice Congee 引用并回复

Wild Rice Congee

I accidentally
left it on
low when I
went to bed
and woke up
six hours later
to the warmth
of welcoming congee
moisturized air wafting
from the kitchen
where mom used
to have the
table set up
and call gently
“Breakfast’s ready”

(Haven't written for years. Just feel the pen is rusty.)
PS: Changed "homemade congee" to "welcoming congee".
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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博弈
榜眼


注册时间: 2006-12-21
帖子: 4381
来自: SFO
博弈北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2013-11-11 08:46:32    发表主题: 引用并回复

'homemade' is redudant,
it is already clear and implied.

the overlapping of scenes or momeries
is good, that gives the poetic meaning to
homemade unspoken.

wild rice, could impy a
different rice in a different country?


like it.
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(在不斷的審醜裡終將建立起新的審美)
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Lake
举人


注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286

Lake北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2013-11-11 10:10:42    发表主题: 引用并回复

Thanks Mark. You are absolutely correct about the redundancy of 'homemade'.
I need one word there, now it is changed to 'welcoming'.

Wild rice, yeah, is the specialty food of our state.

Glad you picked up "the overlapping of scenes or memories '.

I've recently joined a program, this week's theme is 'Awareness of Sensations'.
We are asked to become aware of one pleasant or unpleasant event while it is happening.
Later, to jot down what our experience was like: was it pleasant or unpleasant feeling?
How did your body feel? What sensations did you feel? What thoughts did you experience?...

This one was, in a sense, written in response to the homework.

Thanks for your comments.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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