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Lake

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?????09 Jan 2007

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???the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

胡礼忠2010-11-15 05:21:45

拜访老师、颂冬祺!

Lake2010-01-16 09:05:12

Thank you.

我家三儿2010-01-07 05:21:39

我叫太阳每天把幸福的阳光洒在你身上,我叫月亮每天给你一个甜美的梦境,祝愿你事事如意! 

Lake2008-11-04 11:04:13

Thanks.

hepingdao2008-11-04 10:52:29

congratulations!
and you can configure to show or not to show those articles from bbs

西方文学 Western Literature
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April Snow

April Snow

Gathering her last strength
she plunges to the earth

with an infinite tenderness.
One flake, then two, then three

dotting over pines, cypresses,
aquiver with such gentle touches.

Patch by patch, crystal hexagons
unscroll a silverscape.

Is it snow that decorates April,
or April that beautifies snow?

A food-searching squirrel
yields no answer.

A sudden bird's call shakes
the last snowdrops from a treetop.

2009-10-29 07:48:59
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justjust123 ?2009-11-01 00:33:35?? Reply with quote


beautiful. i like it!
Quote:
Patch by patch, crystal hexagons
unscroll a silverscape.

a great scene that heralds spring.
Quote:

Is it snow that decorates April,
or April that beautifies snow?

this is also very good.
Quote:

the last snowdrops from a treetop

the word snowdrops might have been imprecisely used though the meaning is clear.

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Lake ?2009-11-01 22:16:52?? Reply with quote


justjust123 wrote:

Quote:

the last snowdrops from a treetop

the word snowdrops might have been imprecisely used though the meaning is clear.


spot on, just. I know 'snowdrops' is the name of a flower. since I don't want to repeat 'flakes' and could not find any other alternatives, so used 'snowdrops' to mean the accumulated lump of snow. Or should I just say 'snow drops', two words instead of one?

Thanks.

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非马 ?2009-11-02 14:13:59?? Reply with quote


Hi, Lake. A good poem. However, I don't feel the words "gathering...strength? and "plunges" go well with "infinite tenderness". What do you think?

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Lake ?2009-11-02 19:14:54?? Reply with quote


Thanks Mr. Fei Ma for your opinion.

The easy fix might be simply delete S2, thus:

April Snow

Gathering her last strength
she plunges to the earth

dotting over pines, cypresses,
aquiver with such gentle touches.

Patch by patch, crystal hexagons
unscroll a silverscape.

Is it snow that decorates April,
or April that beautifies snow?

A food-searching squirrel
yields no answer.

A sudden bird's call shakes
the last snow drops from a treetop.



How does this sound?

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非马 ?2009-11-02 19:34:23?? Reply with quote


Sounds better. Is it possible to reword the last two stanzas so that they won't both start with the word "A"? Something like "No answer is given/by a food-searching squirrel. //A sudden birdcall shakes down/the last snow from a treetop."

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justjust123 ?2009-11-03 01:21:36?? Reply with quote


Lake wrote:

spot on, just. I know 'snowdrops' is the name of a flower. since I don't want to repeat 'flakes' and could not find any other alternatives, so used 'snowdrops' to mean the accumulated lump of snow. Or should I just say 'snow drops', two words instead of one?

This is a tough question. I could not give an answer at the moment or maybe even later. But 'hard snow' and 'solid snow' came to mind, or maybe 'lumpy snow'. I think 'drops' is something that tends to fall rapidly (or vertically, heavily), like raindrops whereas snow flakes fall slowly.

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Lake ?2009-11-03 13:14:01?? Reply with quote


非马 wrote:
Sounds better. Is it possible to reword the last two stanzas so that they won't both start with the word "A"? Something like "No answer is given/by a food-searching squirrel. //A sudden birdcall shakes down/the last snow from a treetop."


Absolutely, it's open to rewording. Now it is spotted both lines start with 'A'. Thank you for your suggestion, Mr. Fei Ma. You have a sharp eye. But I'm not totally happy with a passive voice in "No answer is given...". Maybe it needs a different ending?

Let me think it over.

Thanks.

Lake

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Lake ?2009-11-03 13:20:18?? Reply with quote


justjust123 wrote:

This is a tough question. I could not give an answer at the moment or maybe even later. But 'hard snow' and 'solid snow' came to mind, or maybe 'lumpy snow'. I think 'drops' is something that tends to fall rapidly (or vertically, heavily), like raindrops whereas snow flakes fall slowly.


It is a sudden, unexpected, slightly weighted, fall... Smile
Thanks just.

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View user's profile     LakeCollection
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