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向日葵和我对望
溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-20 06:44:48    Post subject: 向日葵和我对望 Reply with quote

向日葵和我对望
笑满我前面的山岗
黄色花瓣的利刃
收割我整个夏日的目光

这个夏天比任何夏天都热
向日葵顶天立地
让我羞愧 这个网络
比所有网络都虚
这块土地上播种的爱情
一个手势就将它击得粉碎

向日葵和我对望
她的脸色让我慌张
我的肤浅 那容易磕开的颗粒
被向日葵藏到了牙床
而夏日的一场雨
从对面的山岗
一直淋到我的梦想

2006-7-24
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溪语的博客:家住鄂西
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 1383
Location: US
悠子Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-20 07:05:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

构思很巧,且幽默。
嗯, 这个网络。。。。
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-20 07:25:18    Post subject: Reply with quote

悠子 wrote:
构思很巧,且幽默。
嗯, 这个网络。。。。

谢,可以砍!
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爱爱
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Joined: 03 Feb 2008
Posts: 167

爱爱Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-20 07:32:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

向日葵要向着太阳怒放~
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苏茉儿
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Joined: 31 Dec 2007
Posts: 739

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PostPosted: 2008-02-20 08:23:07    Post subject: Reply with quote

砍不了,挺好看得。
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默默无言处,盈盈一笑间。
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红袖添乱
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Joined: 09 Jan 2008
Posts: 778

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PostPosted: 2008-02-20 11:11:45    Post subject: Reply with quote

灵魂的交流,不会如此脆弱吧~~~

一个手势就会击碎~~?
555555~~~

夏天真是诗季~~~
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梦的一端是我脉脉的凝视,
而另一端是你清澈的眼睛。
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詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
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PostPosted: 2008-02-20 14:38:50    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢溪语版主来落尘发作品。

一个手势将爱情击的粉碎!好功力~
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可情可理,去捧就真
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詩盜喜裸評
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Joined: 15 May 2007
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Location: 台湾,台北
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PostPosted: 2008-02-20 14:42:25    Post subject: Reply with quote

红袖添乱 wrote:
灵魂的交流,不会如此脆弱吧~~~
...


红袖,如果溪语版主这首作品的第二段也以(向日葵和我对望)做开头,这就是我说的(抬头)这种技巧。我们常常用,却不知道如何定名称。
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可情可理,去捧就真
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-02-21 22:41:56    Post subject: Reply with quote

爱爱 wrote:
向日葵要向着太阳怒放~

是的,爱爱!
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溪语
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PostPosted: 2008-02-21 22:54:55    Post subject: Reply with quote

苏茉儿 wrote:
砍不了,挺好看得。

呵,是吗.谢哦!
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-02-21 22:56:08    Post subject: Reply with quote

红袖添乱 wrote:
灵魂的交流,不会如此脆弱吧~~~
...

这大概就是网络与现实生活.
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溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
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PostPosted: 2008-02-21 23:00:00    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
谢谢溪语版主来落尘发作品。

一个手势将爱情击的粉碎!好功力~

主要是诗盗兄这里很安逸,来讨杯茶喝.叨扰了.
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拈花微笑
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Joined: 21 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-02-22 09:06:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

黄色花瓣的利刃
收割我整个夏日的目光

独特而有力,很不错!
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瞠目结舌
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悠子
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Joined: 04 Jan 2008
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PostPosted: 2008-02-22 11:59:21    Post subject: Reply with quote

溪语 wrote:
悠子 wrote:
构思很巧,且幽默。
嗯, 这个网络。。。。

谢,可以砍!


啊,不能砍~, 就是这个网络 Wink
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