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近作几首,请迪拜等师友批.久未来枫,惭愧~!
李智强
秀才


Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-09 20:45:30    Post subject: 近作几首,请迪拜等师友批.久未来枫,惭愧~! Reply with quote

流浪

假如心背叛灵魂
归家也只是一次流浪
风仅仅吹过耳畔
思绪颠簸在熟悉的小路

野火焚毁野草 注定
天空迷蒙在废墟之上
灰烬被飏 远了

春天重返人间
是归来
还是流浪


当花瓣贴近泉水
——赠陈伟泉兄(刺桐飞花)

是的 花瓣贴近了泉水
高雅的灵魂便注入温和的性格

迁徙从来都带着美妙的哀愁
流水轻淌在高山的脊背
山歌唤醒了沉醉的绿茵

花瓣像一首诗贴近泉水
由含苞待放的童年启航
稚嫩的花骨终是伟岸的樯桅

那么 在天空的眼里
粉红的诗笺的末尾该如何陈述

春到叔同门外

在佛陀的寺庙外 仰视轮回
梵音雕琢着弘一的微笑
慈目久未眨动
四周的花瓣散发异样的光华

人生无奈
那就回到起点吧
海丝起点容纳了漂泊的大师
没落的港口能否接受流浪的我

立于叔同门外
无须看懂世间的纷纷扰扰

与他俗家同姓免不得要高攀
枯涩的笔墨硬要写上片椟
有了叔同,陌生城市就有了亲切感

心香膜拜是否暗示前世有约
像这样沉闷的春天
叔同那年何在

诗意的酒徒
——兼谢刺桐飞花兄款待

酒徒的睡眠比剩菜残羹更难堪
这时候诗情上涌像不吐不快的浓痰
再冰凉的酒水都不比冷风恐怖

假如过了子时还不能入眠
倒趴着写诗将是一种解脱
没有灯光也无妨
最多让笔杆随自己的思想踉跄

五指不见
字迹潦草如黑夜里的爬山虎
当沙沙声停止
一切令我难受和憋气的东西都被梦境吞噬
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【狂到世人皆欲杀】
【醉来天子不能传】
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詩盜喜裸評
进士出身


Joined: 15 May 2007
Posts: 2984
Location: 台湾,台北
詩盜喜裸評Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 03:12:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

流浪音律順暢,內容應該多一些發揮!
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李智强
秀才


Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-10 17:48:59    Post subject: Reply with quote

詩盜喜裸評 wrote:
流浪音律順暢,內容應該多一些發揮!

感谢批评。我是怕多了把握不好。
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迪拜
同进士出身


Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-11 19:08:49    Post subject: Reply with quote

我个人喜欢《当花瓣贴近泉水》

非常好。
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李智强
秀才


Joined: 07 Oct 2006
Posts: 169
Location: 莆田.福建.中国
李智强Collection
PostPosted: 2008-01-15 18:28:35    Post subject: Reply with quote

迪拜 wrote:
我个人喜欢《当花瓣贴近泉水》
非常好。

感谢迪拜老师,其他个也请老师有暇时稍作批改?谢谢
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【醉来天子不能传】
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