白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
 fābiǎoyú: 2013-03-30 12:42:30 fābiǎozhùtí: At the moment |
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At the moment
A voice that whispers to me is from nowhere
"Never be sad of the moments
when a cat cries in the midnight
even it jumps into your yard."
the voice that whispers to me is from heaven
"Never be sad of the moments
when a snake bits you suddenly where you are walking alone a trail
even its mouth contains poison."
oh, my friends
at the moment, please say Cheers to red wine
sweet or bitter! |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-03-30 20:28:21 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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学习白水君！
请教一个问题：第一句中的“that”起什么作用？
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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qinghongh
榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-10-14
tièzǐ: 4110
qinghonghběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-03-31 04:23:34 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| 白水兄的英文诗读来有韵味了！ |
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SLIU
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2010-01-01
tièzǐ: 384
SLIUběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-03-31 10:03:31 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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“let us drink, no matter how sweet or bitter ”
Cheers!
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hepingdao
Site Admin
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-05-25
tièzǐ: 8106
hepingdaoběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-03-31 10:55:43 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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A sound whispers to me:
"Don't be sad, even though a cat cries in your backyard at midnight."
It whispers again:
"Don't feel unfortunate, even when a snake gives you a poisonous bite on a trail."
oh, my friends, please say Cheers to red wine, sweet or bitter!
_________________
为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫! |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-04-03 22:40:00 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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Hi, my friends. Thanks all of you for your comments, question, encourage, and suggestions. I changed my poem a little.
“let us drink, no matter how sweet or bitter ”
Cheers!
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Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-04-05 02:27:05 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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Hi Moonlight,
If I dare to make a point - the revision is a bit wordy as compared to your Chinese poems which are always succinct.
Cheers,
Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-04-05 05:32:22 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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Hi, Lake
As a writer or reader, everyone, every time has a different feeling. I feel the same when I read your poems. Maybe I will write a simple poem next time, such as：床前明月光 
Have nice weekend:g1:
Baishui |
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Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-04-05 06:33:48 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| I feel the same when I read your poems. |
Did you mean you think my poems are wordy, too? 
True, in a sense. Some of my poems are narrative, others are leaning towards prose, that is, prosaic. But even so, they are not immune to critique of being wordy, let alone those short poems.
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| Maybe I will write a simple poem next time, such as：床前明月光 |
That's not what I meant. If you have a closer look at hepingdao's suggestion (you don't have to take it, of course), hopefully, you will understand what I was trying to say. Just want to be helpful, really.
A nice weekend to you, too.
Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2013-04-05 11:13:46 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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yes, sometimes 
I know what you mean. I wish you could understand that sometimes the writer would like to write a sentence such as 床前明月光 ，sometimes she/he want to say 银色的月光洒在我的床前，or 哦!银色的月光像下凡的玉兔儿酣睡在你的床前. 你好可爱，忍不住开个玩笑. sorry:P
Never mind, thank you a lots for discussing with me, you are a very nice person.
Friendly regards |
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